Have we chosen the wrong school?

[Chanonica]

How long did it take for your children to settle into their new school? Our 7 year old has come from a very good school in Scotland with lots of lovely friends where he was a great student and loved school so much. He is now 6 weeks into his new school and telling us he likes it, however his behaviour is showing otherwise. I've spoken to his teacher who says he is disruptive in class, daydreams an awful lot and turns up late to class after the lunch bell. She said she is going to have to become very strict with him now as its passed the 2 week settling in period. This is very unusual for my son who thrives himself on being first in line for class, enjoys partaking in class according to his previous teachers and generally loves to learn. He has not made any friends, though tells us he doesn't mind playing alone - he is such a sociable boy and loves playing with everyone so this is ringing alarm bells for me now. I get the impression he is trying hard to please us by telling us he is happy as he's seen how much work and commitment its taken to get us here but I'm very worried now that we've chosen the wrong school for him.

 

Today we spoke with him about it being ok to miss friends and family from the UK as we do also, he said he misses them, and all he really likes about this new school is the play areas. Is it still early days? Do we persist with this school and continue to discipline this bad behaviour or is it time to take a step in another direction?

 

I'd love to hear any advice from those who've experienced similar please as we're very worried now. Thank you.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Chanonica

[Sammy1]

How long did it take for your children to settle into their new school? Our 7 year old has come from a very good school in Scotland with lots of lovely friends where he was a great student and loved school so much. He is now 6 weeks into his new school and telling us he likes it, however his behaviour is showing otherwise. I've spoken to his teacher who says he is disruptive in class, daydreams an awful lot and turns up late to class after the lunch bell. She said she is going to have to become very strict with him now as its passed the 2 week settling in period. This is very unusual for my son who thrives himself on being first in line for class, enjoys partaking in class according to his previous teachers and generally loves to learn. He has not made any friends, though tells us he doesn't mind playing alone - he is such a sociable boy and loves playing with everyone so this is ringing alarm bells for me now. I get the impression he is trying hard to please us by telling us he is happy as he's seen how much work and commitment its taken to get us here but I'm very worried now that we've chosen the wrong school for him.

 

Today we spoke with him about it being ok to miss friends and family from the UK as we do also, he said he misses them and all he really likes about the school is the play areas. Is it still early days? Do we persist with this school and continue to discipline this bad behaviour or is it time to take a step in another direction?

 

I'd love to hear any advice from those who've experienced similar please as we're very worried now. Thank you.

 

It is very understandable to be worried.

 

However, don't be too quick to blame the school. Your son has already undergone significant change and disruption moving to the other side of the world. Imagine, if he is already behaving badly in class how much this will worsen if he changes yet again to another school. You need to at least give it until the end of the school year and to work with the school.

 

First of all you and the teacher need to meet officially (not just a quick chat at the classroom door). This is when a plan can be drawn up and you can voice your concerns and the teacher hers.There is always a reason for a behaviour and once that has been identified it can be worked on.If he has not made any friends yet the teacher needs to start helping him to do so, there are many ways to do and he should not be just left alone if he is not thriving. Good luck.

[newjez]

How long did it take for your children to settle into their new school? Our 7 year old has come from a very good school in Scotland with lots of lovely friends where he was a great student and loved school so much. He is now 6 weeks into his new school and telling us he likes it, however his behaviour is showing otherwise. I've spoken to his teacher who says he is disruptive in class, daydreams an awful lot and turns up late to class after the lunch bell. She said she is going to have to become very strict with him now as its passed the 2 week settling in period. This is very unusual for my son who thrives himself on being first in line for class, enjoys partaking in class according to his previous teachers and generally loves to learn. He has not made any friends, though tells us he doesn't mind playing alone - he is such a sociable boy and loves playing with everyone so this is ringing alarm bells for me now. I get the impression he is trying hard to please us by telling us he is happy as he's seen how much work and commitment its taken to get us here but I'm very worried now that we've chosen the wrong school for him.

 

Today we spoke with him about it being ok to miss friends and family from the UK as we do also, he said he misses them, and all he really likes about this new school is the play areas. Is it still early days? Do we persist with this school and continue to discipline this bad behaviour or is it time to take a step in another direction?

 

I'd love to hear any advice from those who've experienced similar please as we're very worried now. Thank you.

 

It's a big change at a vulnerable age. I moved at about that age many years ago, and it was hell.

 

The teacher getting strict is not going to help. Your child's social fabric has been torn, and you need to fix it. He needs support not discipline.

 

I like the comments above. Another change so soon won't help.

 

Best way forward now is to work with your child and try and get them involved in your new life. Work with your child's interests, sports, hobbies whatever. Try and invite class mates over to play. Small steps, but keep trying to rebuild. Children don't always know how to do this.

[rpakey]

It's a big change at a vulnerable age. I moved at about that age many years ago, and it was hell.

 

The teacher getting strict is not going to help. Your child's social fabric has been torn, and you need to fix it. He needs support not discipline.

 

I like the comments above. Another change so soon won't help.

 

Best way forward now is to work with your child and try and get them involved in your new life. Work with your child's interests, sports, hobbies whatever. Try and invite class mates over to play. Small steps, but keep trying to rebuild. Children don't always know how to do this.

 

This just opened a massive wound for me, but you have just described in the best way possible my own experience

What I can add, is that I was an under-achiever at school, not disruptive mind, I just did not have the ability to learn as quickly as my class mates, for this, I was judged as being stupid

Then 2 things happened:

An English teacher (who saw my potential) teamed me up with a decent lad in the same class that had similar interests to mine and was a higher achiever, I am nearly 40 and to this day I thank him (he was my best man, and we are each others kids god parents!) for supporting me in a positive way

Then, at the same time, the games teacher saw my interest in running, I went on to become a high level competitor, then later school prefect because of my achievements- which was pretty cool because all of a sudden lots of other children had to come to me...

So, I was labelled at school, but then this foundation eventually got me a degree, a published author, and several businesses

So, my point is, find a 'suitable' friend, maximise the opportunities on his interests, and dont necessarily judge school results as an indication that this is how he will perform in life, its measured by league tables etc at this age but not later on in life

Trust me, I know...

[LFC AL]

I agree with the others, support and encouragement is required, not discipline. 2 weeks to settle in a new country/culture /school is a joke imo. Children need time to adjust to their new settings.

No other advice but I wish you good luck and I really hope he settles in soon xx

[ali]

My boy (then aged 7) was given two buddies on his first day at his school - he's just celebrated his 16th and is still best mates with these two boys.

 

The school may have worded it badly, they obviously think that after two weeks children tend to be able to settle into the routine and if it's been 6 weeks they've certainly given a little longer. I would, as others suggest have a chat with your child and the teacher and try to find a way of making things easier. Organising some play dates outside school might also be helpful.

[Chanonica]

Thank you so much for your replies. To be honest, I was surprised there was no buddy system in place when my son started, as he started in the middle of a term so I had assumed this would be normal practice. (My son had been a buddy for a new comer in his old school so this is where I jumped to conclusions). He has been left to his own devices which has not worked very well for him as he annoyed some older children by asking if he could play with them but they'd said no, he couldn't recognise which kids in the playground were from his class at the start and then got in trouble for asking in the middle of class if the person beside him would play with him at lunch time. I feel very sorry for him knowing how much he loves making new friends and how easily he usually manages it. He also said he is not understanding a lot of what's being done in class and has come home with classwork to be done at home as a result. I spoke to the teacher and she said its because he is not listening. We've told him its important he listens in class otherwise he'll get left behind in the lesson and tomorrow he is going to sit to eat lunch beside a boy he likes so as not to loose sight of him in the playground.

 

On day FOUR of my son being there, his teacher pulled me aside and said "we need to have a chat, he is just not getting the routine at all". I thought it was very soon given he is not 7 until November and has never been to school here before. On day 5 (the day we were to have the chat) my son suffered a head injury in the playground and told his teacher who told him to just sit down and he'll be fine. Two hours later he suffered a nose bleed and she told him to get a tissue. When I collected him at 3pm I noticed the blood in his nose and he said he's been crying when he hit his head but the yard teacher told him to run to class as the bell was ringing. I had a very firm word with his teacher as to why I was not phoned and she just kept saying she was sorry she didn't think anything about it. I went straight to the Dr's to get the all clear with him. (missing the chat the teacher wanted to have about him not following routine) My husband went to reception to ask what the normal procedure is when a child reports a head injury and they said its taken very seriously, the child is brought to the school medical room and a report is written up and a parent is phoned. The headmaster came out then to say "it must've been a break down in communication with our son" !! All that weekend we wondered had we chosen the wrong school as there had been no real care shown to our son so far...nothing really has changed much... Its a sickening feeling to think we have caused this upset by wanting to live in Australia and we've just kept feeling we've done it all wrong

 

Just to add: Perhaps its the teacher that is the problem and not the school? I'm thinking out loud now. So maybe things will improve in the new year with a new teacher? Maybe its that he is in a mixed year class - there are year 1 and year 2's in the class and he is year 1? Perhaps its better for him to be in a year 1 class?

Edited September 20, 2015 by Chanonica
Additional Thoughts

[Monkey2645]

Tbh that really upsets me. As someone who is not great at social situations the thought of all those 'settled' adults just leaving a 6 year old to their own devices ... And then to essentially blame him for it not going smoothly. I'd be very concerned about that teacher not having very much empathy (perhaps phoning her job in) and would certainly check that she won't be his teacher next year if she covers 2 grades. But I'd also be concerned about the head teacher blaming a child for a breakdown in communication?! Maybe a bit more time will be all he needs and when he's settled you'll wonder what you were worried about. But monitor it closely. Good luck to your boy :-)

[newjez]

Thank you so much for your replies. To be honest, I was surprised there was no buddy system in place when my son started, as he started in the middle of a term so I had assumed this would be normal practice. (My son had been a buddy for a new comer in his old school so this is where I jumped to conclusions). He has been left to his own devices which has not worked very well for him as he annoyed some older children by asking if he could play with them but they'd said no, he couldn't recognise which kids in the playground were from his class at the start and then got in trouble for asking in the middle of class if the person beside him would play with him at lunch time. I feel very sorry for him knowing how much he loves making new friends and how easily he usually manages it. He also said he is not understanding a lot of what's being done in class and has come home with classwork to be done at home as a result. I spoke to the teacher and she said its because he is not listening. We've told him its important he listens in class otherwise he'll get left behind in the lesson and tomorrow he is going to sit to eat lunch beside a boy he likes so as not to loose sight of him in the playground.

 

On day FOUR of my son being there, his teacher pulled me aside and said "we need to have a chat, he is just not getting the routine at all". I thought it was very soon given he is not 7 until November and has never been to school here before. On day 5 (the day we were to have the chat) my son suffered a head injury in the playground and told his teacher who told him to just sit down and he'll be fine. Two hours later he suffered a nose bleed and she told him to get a tissue. When I collected him at 3pm I noticed the blood in his nose and he said he's been crying when he hit his head but the yard teacher told him to run to class as the bell was ringing. I had a very firm word with his teacher as to why I was not phoned and she just kept saying she was sorry she didn't think anything about it. I went straight to the Dr's to get the all clear with him. (missing the chat the teacher wanted to have about him not following routine) My husband went to reception to ask what the normal procedure is when a child reports a head injury and they said its taken very seriously, the child is brought to the school medical room and a report is written up and a parent is phoned. The headmaster came out then to say "it must've been a break down in communication with our son" !! All that weekend we wondered had we chosen the wrong school as there had been no real care shown to our son so far...nothing really has changed much... Its a sickening feeling to think we have caused this upset by wanting to live in Australia and we've just kept feeling we've done it all wrong

 

Just to add: Perhaps its the teacher that is the problem and not the school? I'm thinking out loud now. So maybe things will improve in the new year with a new teacher? Maybe its that he is in a mixed year class - there are year 1 and year 2's in the class and he is year 1? Perhaps its better for him to be in a year 1 class?

 

 

What you have said is worrying.

 

Are there other British children in the class?

 

Do you have strong regional accents that could inhibit understanding?

 

I once had a problem teacher. I couldn't work out if they hated all English or just me. (I was from Sydney, but spent a year in England and pick up accents easily). Not saying this is happening here, but something sounds not right. Mixed years are a pain, and it sounds like the teacher is not coping. UK schools often welcome parent volunteers. Is it possible to do this, and you may get a better perception of the problem.

 

As you say, things may pick up next year in a new class.

[ali]

Thank you so much for your replies. To be honest, I was surprised there was no buddy system in place when my son started, as he started in the middle of a term so I had assumed this would be normal practice. (My son had been a buddy for a new comer in his old school so this is where I jumped to conclusions). He has been left to his own devices which has not worked very well for him as he annoyed some older children by asking if he could play with them but they'd said no, he couldn't recognise which kids in the playground were from his class at the start and then got in trouble for asking in the middle of class if the person beside him would play with him at lunch time. I feel very sorry for him knowing how much he loves making new friends and how easily he usually manages it. He also said he is not understanding a lot of what's being done in class and has come home with classwork to be done at home as a result. I spoke to the teacher and she said its because he is not listening. We've told him its important he listens in class otherwise he'll get left behind in the lesson and tomorrow he is going to sit to eat lunch beside a boy he likes so as not to loose sight of him in the playground.

 

On day FOUR of my son being there, his teacher pulled me aside and said "we need to have a chat, he is just not getting the routine at all". I thought it was very soon given he is not 7 until November and has never been to school here before. On day 5 (the day we were to have the chat) my son suffered a head injury in the playground and told his teacher who told him to just sit down and he'll be fine. Two hours later he suffered a nose bleed and she told him to get a tissue. When I collected him at 3pm I noticed the blood in his nose and he said he's been crying when he hit his head but the yard teacher told him to run to class as the bell was ringing. I had a very firm word with his teacher as to why I was not phoned and she just kept saying she was sorry she didn't think anything about it. I went straight to the Dr's to get the all clear with him. (missing the chat the teacher wanted to have about him not following routine) My husband went to reception to ask what the normal procedure is when a child reports a head injury and they said its taken very seriously, the child is brought to the school medical room and a report is written up and a parent is phoned. The headmaster came out then to say "it must've been a break down in communication with our son" !! All that weekend we wondered had we chosen the wrong school as there had been no real care shown to our son so far...nothing really has changed much... Its a sickening feeling to think we have caused this upset by wanting to live in Australia and we've just kept feeling we've done it all wrong

 

Just to add: Perhaps its the teacher that is the problem and not the school? I'm thinking out loud now. So maybe things will improve in the new year with a new teacher? Maybe its that he is in a mixed year class - there are year 1 and year 2's in the class and he is year 1? Perhaps its better for him to be in a year 1 class?

 

 

I too am wondering if it's the teacher not doing enough, my experience for my boy was different (he was in year 2 when he started), he started in one class and was moved 3 days later to another class, took it in his stride as already had his buddies and even after 3 days his first teacher said she'd miss him. He also hit his head in an accidental injury at recess ... the teacher phoned us that evening to see how he was.

 

I'm also wondering too about the routine that he's not getting. One of the things that freaked my hubby when he dropped our boy off at school was that the boys dumped their bag and went into class ... our UK school had a bell that told everyone to stand still, a bell to line up and a bell to then walk (in a straight line) into class ..... it may be your boy literally doesn't know what to do because there isn't the same sort of system.

 

I'm now thinking that you should make an apt with the principle and just talk about your concerns about your child not settling and how out of character it is. Suggest a buddy (I don't think it's too late for that).

 

Like anywhere, remember that one experience doesn't necessarily mean everything will be like that - are there other schools locally you can view - you can ask specific questions regarding how they help pupils settle etc.

[Chanonica]

Once again I am so grateful to see replies, thank you. I haven't slept much at all last night but this morning after I'd dropped him at his class I went directly to the office. I spoke to the principle about moving him to Year 1 class, I explained my worries as matter of fact as possible giving examples of alarming behaviour my son had shown in class on Friday (I'm sorry I can't write that here now just to protect him in case later someone recognises me) it was agreed that it was a distressing sign from a child who is struggling to cope and it needs to be looked into further. I was told to sit tight this week and they'l have a chat amongst the teachers but to see if he is happier after the holidays...I'm not entirely comfortable with this as I'd prefer for him to start term 4 in a new class. I get the impression its a lot of work to arrange a transfer of classrooms for one child but if he is still distressed today/ tomorrow I'll take him out of school until they find a suitable class for him. Its literally like watching my lovely confident son change into a different child right before my eyes.

 

I've started to look at other schools in the area, should nothing improve here first. Thank you all again for your thoughts and advice.

[LoopyLauren]

Oh bless, this upset me too reading this post.

I hope you get it sorted and swiftly and to your satisfaction.

Good luck.

Lauren.

[JenPen]

I am so sorry that you are in this situation - I worry for my little for my little girl, she has the best school and best classmates atm and I honestly am terrified of ruining it all and sending her somewhere that will change her!

 

I pray hard that your situation resolves swiftly into a happy one xx good luck and keep us updated on your lovely boy x

[TheMackemSlayer]

Oh no, this is horrible to read. We move in February and I'm already worried to death about how my 5-year-old is going to adapt to life in a new school - he actually had a cry about leaving his friends when discussing the move with him just the other night.

 

I really hope you find a solution and that your boys returns to his normal self ASAP. Keep us posted.

[Chanonica]

Well today he says he's had a better day but can't seem to explain why. Maybe because we talked the hind legs off him all weekend about school and he feels a bit lighter having shared some thoughts with us.

I'm sorry for worrying anyone who is yet to make the move, I know its teething problems for just right now and once it gets sorted it will be sorted for good. Also, this could have happened if we changed school within our small town in Scotland so really please don't let my experience trouble you. I think if he'd been assigned a buddy this would've been easier for him - so please ask that your kids get a buddy as it really is a nicer welcome for them. I'll leave it here for now and once things change, hopefully for the best, I'll update Thank you all again for letting me "talk" this one out with you.

[ali]

This is when I love this particular forum - because of it's intimacy it really is a supportive little community.

 

Good luck xx

[Chanonica]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just thought I'd better give a quick update as you were all so good to help me out with your replies. I feel I should whisper so I'm not tempting fate but...he has settled. It took a while for him to really feel that he belonged in his class but with routine and constant encouragement he has really come a long way. He still misses his friends back home a lot and writes to them regularly, though I'm not sure if this might need to stop soon to help him move on or if he should continue this as he wants? His teacher has noticed a huge improvement and rewards him with praise and class awards. I got the impression a few times that he thought this was not his "real" school and was waiting for us to pack it all in and head back to the UK. We had tears the other day when it was his best friends birthday and all he wanted was to see him open his presents. He often says he wishes his old friends would sneak up behind him in the school playground as a surprise and they could all play together. So its still early days yet with him feeling homesick and not having a very close friend still, but he is back to working hard in class and his confidence and outgoing nature has returned.

 

A few things I think may have helped were our family days out together. He could see what a beautiful place it is here, the beaches, parks, playgrounds, the weather and there is so much going on for families too. If only all our loved ones just moved over here too!!

 

Thank you all once more for your advice and guidance, it really helped me x

[TheMackemSlayer]

Fantastic news, thanks for the update!

[ali]

Great news that he's feeling more settled... Well done Mum an Dad for your patience and hard work x

[Derbygirl42]

good news im pleased for you all. my seven year old still misses his friends in the UK in particular his best friend and it broke my heart the first few weeks as he really mussed him but he has also settled really well thank goodness! I found the whole school thing my biggest worry and was so anxious ! QUOTE=Chanonica;136701]Hi Everyone,

 

Just thought I'd better give a quick update as you were all so good to help me out with your replies. I feel I should whisper so I'm not tempting fate but...he has settled. It took a while for him to really feel that he belonged in his class but with routine and constant encouragement he has really come a long way. He still misses his friends back home a lot and writes to them regularly, though I'm not sure if this might need to stop soon to help him move on or if he should continue this as he wants? His teacher has noticed a huge improvement and rewards him with praise and class awards. I got the impression a few times that he thought this was not his "real" school and was waiting for us to pack it all in and head back to the UK. We had tears the other day when it was his best friends birthday and all he wanted was to see him open his presents. He often says he wishes his old friends would sneak up behind him in the school playground as a surprise and they could all play together. So its still early days yet with him feeling homesick and not having a very close friend still, but he is back to working hard in class and his confidence and outgoing nature has returned.

 

A few things I think may have helped were our family days out together. He could see what a beautiful place it is here, the beaches, parks, playgrounds, the weather and there is so much going on for families too. If only all our loved ones just moved over here too!!

 

Thank you all once more for your advice and guidance, it really helped me x

[pegg]

Glad he has settled, this is my biggest worry when we come next year, we have a 11yr old boy, and the right school is so important.

Well done for your persistence.

[pegg]

Ok, so weve been here a few weeks now and this is our sons second week at school. He is year 7.

 

When we visited schools we here assured on both we viewed that a buddy system would be used - However after day one we found out he was left on his own to find his own way around the shool !!! Very daunting indeed.

 

But , he asked where classes where and being the new kid - he said everyone was friendly and helped ….. But we where annoyed as left him with lady who we presumed would help him settle and she didnt - she just said " heres your first class see ya later "

 

anyhow he said he made a few freinds - but now 1 week on he says alot of the boys ignore him and he feels like a spare part …. just standing there !

Hes not really massive into sport , but he will give it a go and have a laugh , but hes such a sensetive boy we do worry .

 

We hate the thought of him having no true friends like he did in the UK and now we are thinking have we chose the wrong school ?!? feel abit let down by school as from the start - they did not do what they said they would do !!!

 

So we keep going to the beach in the evenings …. getting out seening more Western Australia , and he loves it - he just needs mates !

 

Any advice - please give !!! we just want him to be happy !

[Arwen]

Ok, so weve been here a few weeks now and this is our sons second week at school. He is year 7.

 

When we visited schools we here assured on both we viewed that a buddy system would be used - However after day one we found out he was left on his own to find his own way around the shool !!! Very daunting indeed.

 

But , he asked where classes where and being the new kid - he said everyone was friendly and helped ….. But we where annoyed as left him with lady who we presumed would help him settle and she didnt - she just said " heres your first class see ya later "

 

anyhow he said he made a few freinds - but now 1 week on he says alot of the boys ignore him and he feels like a spare part …. just standing there !

Hes not really massive into sport , but he will give it a go and have a laugh , but hes such a sensetive boy we do worry .

 

We hate the thought of him having no true friends like he did in the UK and now we are thinking have we chose the wrong school ?!? feel abit let down by school as from the start - they did not do what they said they would do !!!

 

So we keep going to the beach in the evenings …. getting out seening more Western Australia , and he loves it - he just needs mates !

 

Any advice - please give !!! we just want him to be happy !

 

I can understand your feelings but it's still very early days yet. I would be finding out the name of his year coordinator and expressing your disappointment that he wasn't assigned a buddy. ORSHS is a big school and not the best laid out one either IMO so he will have struggled not knowing his way. Perhaps once you've contacted his year coordinator things will improve.

[pegg]

Yes , @Arwen we are going to do this asap …. we knew it would be hard for him , but tricky as he dosent want to be singled out " as new boy that needs friends " .

 

But we will email coordinator and get this sorted )

[pegg]

So, we have just had a very positive email from school with a great plan - So pleased we contacted school , next plan is to get son into a club or something hes interested in )

 

Will keep you all updated )