Why do people have to be so negative??!

[Lucy G]

I have just discovered that my sister with whom I have always been closest too out of all my family and who I always thought was 100% behind us has been saying to other people that she believes I am looking at this move through rose tinted spectacles and it will be nothing like I think, we will not manage financially and we will be back within 2yrs!! I was in complete shock when I was told this!! She hasn't spoke to me much about our move just generally and I always thought this was because she was gonna miss me and didn't want to think about it! She knows better than anyone else how much this move means to us and how long we have strived to get there. Would we honestly go through all the stress and spend so much time and money on something if we doubted this was totally right for us?? We wouldn't put ourselves or our children through that! We have wanted to do this for so many years and spent most of that time just researching and chatting with people to see if it was for us before we started committing to it! Now it is getting closer to becoming a reality and we are all so excited I just can't beleive she would put such a downer on it! It may not work out, we don't know that either but we sure don't need someone stating catagorically before we even get there that it won't! Especially from someone I have always trusted and confided everything in so much! I expect it from others but not her!

Another thing she also said was that the way myself and my husband talk about England is disgusting. We do have a very negative attitude about this country and the state it is in currently and cannot see any future for our children here. We have always said that the minute we arrive in Perth we are Australians and that is going to be our home. UK will be somewhere we visit (occasionally!) and obviously is our heritage and past but our future and home will be Oz. Why would we move thousands of miles away from England to just want to take it with us. If we loved the place so much then we wouldn't have put 2yrs of our lives on hold to move away from it! This is just how we feel, not how we think everyone else should feel too but surely we are entitled to feel this way without needing to justify ourselves to people.
I guess we should expect it & there's probably some jealousy there but it always seems to come from where you least expect it!

I think what annoys me the most if only she had actually told me her concerns and opinions we could have discussed them and perhaps she would have seen where we were coming from - not that she doesn't alread know but she obviously don't get it! Instead she just smiles to my face, accepts all the freebies and goods we're virtually giving away and then bitches about me behind my back!

Anyway rant over & sorry to go on a bit! This is the only place I feel right now where people really understand where we're coming from. Hopefully in time people here will get it if not we leave in 5mnths anyway & then we won't know what they are saying about us and we won't care cos we will be in Sunny WA and loving every minute of it! Roll on April

[ali]

The joy of families. It's very difficult when you move and it feels like people don't support you - but you have to keep in mind the reasons that you are going and what you want to achieve as a family. As you say it may work it may not - but you're right that you won't know until you've done it and given it a go. I had a minor disagreement with my father in law when they came to visit - he kept insisting that England was my home - I acknowledged that I'm English but my home was were I lived, worked and where my family are and for almost 5 years that's been here in Australia.

I would try and speak to your sister .... try the "you'll never guess what someone said you said the other day ... I couldn't believe it" - try not to leave on a bad note. i'm sure she'll want to visit at some point. It may very well be your sisters way of coping with you going, it's a bit like a bereavement for the family you leave behind and as we know people have lots of different ways of coping with that, it may be making her feel better saying that it's not going to work (and therefore hoping you'll come back).

The great thing about PP is you can come and have a rant. I always found a bit of wine testing (australian of course) helped with this sort of stressful moment lol).

Hugs

Ali x

[portlaunay]

....aaaaand, relax.

Sorry, I don't mean to dismiss your feelings, I know exactly what you mean and you will have other challenges with family and friends but you're not doing this for them are you?

Some friends of ours just stopped talking to us when we said we were coming. Just complete silence and some really awkward moments at the school gates. We finally found the right moment to talk to the wife and she just broke down. She was so upset that she felt the opportunity for her to do the same had passed and she was struggling to face up to life in London.

It's great to hear you vent, I hope it was therapeutic and you can move on but as ali says, best to talk. Give her the opportunity to tell you how she feels because it would be so tragic to come her without resolving this. She's likely to be upset at losing you and may find it difficult to say so. Hey, it could be all sorts of things, of course I've no idea but speak to her, even if it goes badly you'll always know you tried to do the right thing.

Good luck, vent on here, there are loads of us who have been through similar issues.

[Give me a break!]

We found out the my OH's Mother was telling all his side that the visa had fallen through and that we were no longer going! This was because there was a delay in the visa's and because she refused to talk about it so was making her own version up, so much so that at the magical moment when I informed my OH that our visa's had been finally granted we had a huge row because I'd told other people and he didnt want her to find out from someone else no joy, no celebrations just guilt and sadness on his part because of her!. I know its because she cares but its bloomin difficult not to get cross. Good luck with it all, try and be patient and hold your tongue its not easy but you just have to bear in mind your reasons for doing it. Good luck to you

[Lucy G]

Thank you guys that was very theraputic and excellent advice from all of you - and its the same lovely ones that take time out and offer advice and support that has always proved perfect & priceless!
I'm really glad I vented now as I am not so angry and will definately find a good moment to have a chat. She is one of the main ones on my side of the family that I am really going to miss so you are absolutely right I don't want to leave here on a bad note with anyone really but especially her.
Thank you all once again and I hope you are all having a lovely wkend in the beautiful Perth sunshine?
Also Ali, wonderful advice about wine tasting - not that I ever need an excuse but I can definately live that that kind of therapy! x

[Tania]

Hi - I know exactly what you mean - I had a heated argument with my mum last night over the same thing - it really upset me but it's only gone and made me even more determined to see it through and probably not come back if it all does go wrong (I can be very stubbon)!!

We have two small children (3 and 5) and I admit I rely heavily on my mums help. She is very close to them and I understand completely how hard it must be for her that we are leaving, but this is a fantastic opportunity for us and the timing is right as the kids are young and should adapt easily. At present things are not good for us in UK, my Husband was made redundant last year and now has to travel 80m away just for work (early starts and late home means family life is suffering). We are constantly tired - raty with the kids and subsequently this is starting to effect our marriage. Oh and I'm being made redundant myself at Xmas. So you see - what have we got to lose for trying?? She told me I was being selfish and hadn't thought it through - but it's all I've thought about since starting the process... It's not all about making lots of money - it's about quality of life. I've recognised things need to change in my life and soon before it's too late. This is the most hardest and most stressful thing I've ever done in my life so it upsets me to hear someone telling me I haven't thought it through!!

She loves us and she's hurting and I have to respect that - but I do wish she could be happy and supportive. After all I still need her and there's nothing stopping her from joining us. You're not alone - I think this is a normal process for everyone - keep smiling and remind yourself why you're doing this X

[Lucy G]

thank you Tania and that is exactly how we feel. When we first mentioned doing this a couple of years ago a lot of people scoffed and said "we'll beleive it when we see it" and that made us really determined to succeed and prove them wrong. So unfortunately for them but great for us all the negatives just make us more determined to make this work. We too are very stubborn and determined but I think that's the way you have to be to be able to do something like this.

One of my friends who moved to Auckland warned me that we would get this reaction from some but I guess its a shock when it comes from the one's you really dont expect it from! I'm sure its just one of those things thats been bubbling under the surface since we first mentioned this happening but as it gets closer and reality is kicking in for everyone that this really is happening its all coming to the surface. At least in this instance it hasn't come to the surface days before we fly not leaving me time to build bridges x

[JaynBev]

Lucy G -

We've had all sorts of reactions from people not talking to us, to changing the subject etc.

If you and your husband are happy with each other and feel ready to do this then remember this is the most important thing.

We feel that people are being off as they feel it's us abondoning them which is not the case, we just want something different.

Some of the people who changed the subject / ignored it are now asking us more questions than we thought possible so they do change their views with time.

All the best

Jay & Bev

[Tigger69]

Hi Lucy
Sorry to hear what has happened, it must be really horrible to of heard what your sister has been saying. As other members have said, you must talk to her, even if it doesn't go well at least you have tried. I am sure it is your sister defence mechanism and her way of dealing with a sad situation. You are doing the right thing whether every one agrees with your decision or not. Keep you chin up hun, we are all here for you what ever the reason. xxxxxxx

[Lucy G]

Thank you Jay & Bev & Tigger. I will def have chat with her when time is right. If it was anyone else I really wouldn't care and just let them get on with it but I don't want to leave here with any bad feeling between me and her. If she's still funny then as you guys have said at least I tried. You can't please everyone and as long as me, hubby and our 3boys are happy then that is whats most important at the end of the day. I'm sure she will come round in the end you're all probably spot on its just a defence mechanism kicking in x