Feeling lost since returning from UK!!

[Donna]

Hi there new to this forum! Was looking for anyone's advice on our predicament:

We are a family of four, two boys aged 16 and 20. We have been here for 6 years and love Perth! My husband has been homesick since the beginning but has been back to UK 3 times now and 'manages' to get by because the rest of the family enjoy our life here. However 2 years ago our eldest son went back to UK for trials in football and secured a first team contract with SPL!! Since he left I have been 'son sick'. Some days not been managing to go into his room.

 

We have just returned from 3 weeks in Scotland to see our son (I haven't seen him in nearly 2 years)!!!! We all had the best time ever doing something every day mostly with our son and his new girlfriend of a year! We took in a game and it was so lovely to watch him on the pitch again. I never missed perth once and that shocked me !! Our youngest son states that he wants to stay in perth as he has friends and his first girlfriend. He also has health issues we are working on which were non existent in uk.??

 

we got back 2 days ago and had the worst Xmas ever - hubby and I been together for 23 years! I cried all Xmas day between sleeping. I love my job and our sunny outdoor lifestyle .

Any tips, help or experiences anyone can put my way I would be very grateful.

Ps we are a very close family and our son in Scotland constantly mentions how much he would love us back together as a family. Also I had terrible SAD when living in uk and have had no trace of that here in perth.

 

I appreciate any time you can put out to us xx regards Donna

[Happy little Vegemite]

Hi Donna, my heart goes out to you! Can you safely put your rubbish Christmas down to jet lag and post holiday blues? Sounds like all in all you are happier in Perth for the moment, but it doesn't have to be forever if you're not! Having family on the other side of the world really sucks sometimes especially at Christmas.

 

It must be tough with your eldest baby so far away, but you and your husband should be incredibly proud that you've raised your son to be independent enough to be able to do this on his own and make a life for himself, hard as it is for you all sometimes! As harsh as it is, he made the choice to move back to the UK leaving you all behind, and the reality of that is that your close knit family is spread a little further than you would like. From your sons view, I'm a kid that moved away from my family to the other side of the world (albeit somewhat by accident) and I feel very privileged to have been brought up with the confidence to be able to do this. Over the years that I have been away we have done our best to make up for the quantity of time missed with quality time together on holidays, which sounds like what you have just done, spent some awesome quality time together and created many happy memories!

I know there are parents on here with kids in the other country, I'm sure some will be along soon to share some words of wisdom

 

Take one day at a time and enjoy that lovely hot weather over there

 

Cath

[Donna]

Hi cath

thank you so much for your words of wisdom - you are correct in saying that the blues are there and I certainly new this would happen as I don't do well with goodbyes anyway! No one does. Our son is currently warming up for a game and his lovely girlfriend is keeping us posted. I just had the best time ever and obviously had a 'crash'!! Trying to be strong!! Happy new year when it comes x

[alana rose]

Hi Donna, I think if you were at home you'd hardly see your son....my eldest daughter past her driving test last year (we were all living in Scotland at that time) and since then we hardly ever saw her and i experienced the feelings that you are going through now (and she still lived at home). We have since moved to Perth and i miss her loads, but i've got to remind myself that i missed her when we were back home too. Its hard when they move on.

[Donna]

Hi there thanks for your response. I do know he has his own life and has moved on - he has had to being on his own in Scotland but we loved being part of watching him play footy again. Hubby a massive footy fan and to miss his sons first debut was just painful. My sister also has her own charity bringing foster siblings together and I was able to be part if this is her farm meeting 4 lovely girls who have had a tough life. I really enjoyed that too and meeting all the animals. We know we have to get our son thru year 12 and after that who knows. It's so tough being apart and for the first time I'm feeling my husbands pain!! Happy new year when it comes xxxx

[ali]

When you have a close family, it must be hard when one flies the nest - I think if you decide to move back you have to decide to do it for you, your sons career could take him further afield - you'll be in Scotland and he could be elsewhere, I guess there's a possibility too that your youngest may want to stay in Aus - so whilst you move back to be closer to one boy you may have to leave another behind, your youngest will have thoughts I'm sure of what he wants to do after year 12 and is starting to carve an independent life out now too. Not an easy decision for you - I wish you well in making it.

[Rossmoyne]

Feeling your pain Donna. However your son is an adult now, and part of being a parent is that you have to let your kids go when they want to flee the nest. I know it isn't easy as I have had to do this with both my son and daughter. One now lives in Perth, but the other has travelled the world for a few years and finally settled in Queensland. I now know how hard it was for my parents when I moved to the other side of the world, but I guess it is just part of the circle of life and we can't live our lives through our offspring when they are grownups. Homesickness is a killer though and I think sometimes we don't realise just how painful it can be. Hoping you feel better soon. My Mum always used to say that she wished someone had shot Captain Cook before he found Australia......

Edited December 29, 2013 by Rossmoyne

[StraighttothePoint]

If he plays for the famous Heart of Midlothian get back there immediately, all of you, the club needs all the support then can get at the moment Mind you at 20 he is probably a bit too old for their first team the way things are going!!

 

Anyway I feel for your husband. He sounds just like me. I only came here because my wife was born here and my son wanted to come because his mum did. To get over that I have always gone back every year, no way I could survive here for the rest of the time, if I did not do that. I love Perth, the lifestyle but the reality is that it is not home and it never will be, Scotland is home. Perhaps you both need to re-assess things here, try and re-engineer your lifestyle so that you can become more flexible and split your time to places you want to be. I have explained my situation to many on this forum both via Private Messages and face to face. I believe anything is possible in this world, and that there is no such words as 'We cannot do that", if you work out a plan people can do anything they set their minds to. It is hard and is down to thinking things through, planning and making tough decisions but it can be done.

 

Reading your story it sounds very much an emotional roller coaster for you and I really understand that, I get it all as we have a son around the age of yours and my wife is dreading the empty nest phase which is fast approaching. However in the hard light of day you either stay here and keep on living your lifes here, with the occasional visit back, or you make some dramatic changes and either split your time or go back enmass. A festering itch is the hardest thing to treat but making goals, having a plan and doing what you all want is IMHO a far better outcome for all concerned.

 

You could get over this after you settle back into Perth life and if he is in a decent team, and plays for the first eleven, then there is always Setanta to be able to watch him on. You could consider more trips back as a way of seeing him more, you could try and keep your feet in both camps or you could pack up and go back. Whatever you all decide to do my honest advice is to talk, talk and talk again to get this problem resolved. If it festers it will hurt more. If you only solve the problem so that only some of you are happy then it will also continue to play a huge part in your lifes.

 

As a starting point when speaking to folk who are struggling I always ask them why did you all agree to come here in the first place? If it was to give your kids a better life, which always seems to be the answer regardless if it was or not, then if you think about it you have achieved what you have set out to do, i.e. one son loves it here and one son is a professional footballer with the world at his feet. If it is now a realisation that you were never all happy here then it surely has to be time for a major re-think.

 

Good luck with it all and PM me if you think I can help with any other questions.

Edited December 30, 2013 by StraighttothePoint

[Donna]

Thanks for that fantastic reply!! And for putting the time out!

 

i honestly think our feelings have been emphasized due to our return visit and jet lag etc with an added sick son and dog on our return. We were 'all' happy to leave UK and the only person who developed homesickness was my husband. The kids loved their lifestyle and always stated they never wanted to return to the Uk. Our eldest loved soccer academy at school and being in the youth team for perth glory! Unknown to us he was very confused when an offer of a scholarship was offered in America and the option to go back to UK for trials. In the Scottish papers when asked by a reporter why he returned to Scotland to play he stated he put a question on yahoo and asked people's opinion...

 

we funded his return to UK and supported him all the way. He was offered a first team contract and we were all delighted but heartbroken too. At the same time our youngest turned into a teenager which was not nice and empty nest syndrome came hard and fast. I really don't know how we are managing to get through this!!

 

then you look at the beauty of perth and wonder why would you leave it? Walking around swan river today, having a lovely cup of earl grey tea and cake... No comparison really.

 

I once heard that now we have emigrated we would never settle either in Scotland and Australia and I fear that is true.

 

On a good note my parents come out in four weeks time for six weeks and my eldest son and his girlfriend come out in June hopefully. We are taking everyday at a time and trying to feel blessed that we ever had the chance to see this amazing land. Kindness regards d

[Stevie G]

Thanks for that fantastic reply!! And for putting the time out!

 

i honestly think our feelings have been emphasized due to our return visit and jet lag etc with an added sick son and dog on our return. We were 'all' happy to leave UK and the only person who developed homesickness was my husband. The kids loved their lifestyle and always stated they never wanted to return to the Uk. Our eldest loved soccer academy at school and being in the youth team for perth glory! Unknown to us he was very confused when an offer of a scholarship was offered in America and the option to go back to UK for trials. In the Scottish papers when asked by a reporter why he returned to Scotland to play he stated he put a question on yahoo and asked people's opinion...

 

we funded his return to UK and supported him all the way. He was offered a first team contract and we were all delighted but heartbroken too. At the same time our youngest turned into a teenager which was not nice and empty nest syndrome came hard and fast. I really don't know how we are managing to get through this!!

 

then you look at the beauty of perth and wonder why would you leave it? Walking around swan river today, having a lovely cup of earl grey tea and cake... No comparison really.

 

I once heard that now we have emigrated we would never settle either in Scotland and Australia and I fear that is true.

 

On a good note my parents come out in four weeks time for six weeks and my eldest son and his girlfriend come out in June hopefully. We are taking everyday at a time and trying to feel blessed that we ever had the chance to see this amazing land. Kindness regards d

 

Above all else I would be getting your Australian Citizenship(if you already haven't), then if you were to go back, you can come back.

Think you can get it after 7 years as I did??????

Its good peace of mind.

[Guest guest9824]

Hi there new to this forum! Was looking for anyone's advice on our predicament:

We are a family of four, two boys aged 16 and 20. We have been here for 6 years and love Perth! My husband has been homesick since the beginning but has been back to UK 3 times now and 'manages' to get by because the rest of the family enjoy our life here. However 2 years ago our eldest son went back to UK for trials in football and secured a first team contract with SPL!! Since he left I have been 'son sick'. Some days not been managing to go into his room.

 

We have just returned from 3 weeks in Scotland to see our son (I haven't seen him in nearly 2 years)!!!! We all had the best time ever doing something every day mostly with our son and his new girlfriend of a year! We took in a game and it was so lovely to watch him on the pitch again. I never missed perth once and that shocked me !! Our youngest son states that he wants to stay in perth as he has friends and his first girlfriend. He also has health issues we are working on which were non existent in uk.??

 

we got back 2 days ago and had the worst Xmas ever - hubby and I been together for 23 years! I cried all Xmas day between sleeping. I love my job and our sunny outdoor lifestyle .

Any tips, help or experiences anyone can put my way I would be very grateful.

Ps we are a very close family and our son in Scotland constantly mentions how much he would love us back together as a family. Also I had terrible SAD when living in uk and have had no trace of that here in perth.

 

I appreciate any time you can put out to us xx regards Donna

 

Hope everything works out for you Donna, it's a tough situation to be in, but some good advice has been given above. I dread the day my girls will want to fly off, but that's what parenting is about, nurture, nourish and then let go! Good luck with your plans and settling back into your Perth life.

 

peax