Tatty Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 I hope you guys don't mind me posting this (fairly new here) but I just need someone to talk to... we've been in Perth for 2 months now and dare i say it.... i just don't like it Moving was all VERY much my husbands idea and he had an offer of work that we'd have been foolish to turn down.... he was desperate to come over (and it's always been a dream of his) so I said I would come and we would give it a two year trial. We were both happy with this and in the build up to coming over, i was excited and couldn't wait. I am currently back in the UK tying up a few loose ends, due to fly back to Perth in a week, and I can't even enjoy my time here as I'm already dreading going back. I'd never been to Aus before moving (husband had loads) and I think i had this rose tinted vision of endless sunshine, days at the beach, barbeques and pool parties!! So actually being there has been a huge thud back down to earth. Husband works long hours so it feels like I hardly see him and I am alone in the house all day, I haven't really met any friends, I feel stuck in a rut and missing being able to pop over to see my mum/friend etc or just go for a wander around the local town. We saw a snake in our garden on our first night here and although i haven't seen one since anywhere, I am terrifed of them and constantly looking all around everywhere I go. I never thought it would affect me this much but it has. I miss my dog so much, he is still with the pet shippers and due to fly in a month then obviously has got to do quarantine. I havent seen him for two months already and I am not going to visit him in the kennels on this trip back because he is a very nervous dog and i don't want to unsettle him as told he is happy there. Scared he'll forget us. Scared he'll panic on the flight. Scared he'll suffer with the heat. Scared because I can't find his food here and he has allergies. Scared he'll find a snake/spider. Scared and worried about everything about him!! Husband says it will get better in a few weeks... when weather is better and he is more settled at work so doesn't have to do such long hours. Also when dog is here I will settle much better which I know is true. Am I alone in feeling like this? I want to enjoy being here but don't know how to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annjean Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 That's really sad Tatty, where are you living in Perth? I am sure you will be much better when you have your dog with you and he won't forget you he will be fine, as for the snake I haven't seen one here in 5 years, I think you were unlucky, not to say they are not out there you just don't see them, we take our dogs for walks and they are safe, I wouldn't take them into the bush tho. When we know where you are based over here I am sure coffee mornings and other social days out for you can be organised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laz Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 It's always worse when you go back home! When I moved the other way (Oz to UK) I knew no one, wasn't working, and most days the only person I spoke to was the shop assistant in M&S, plus hubby went away for two weeks as soon as we landed. So yes, I think it's normal but if you just think of it as a temporary life enriching experience you will be fine. Find things to give your day some structure and it will get better. Do a course, find coffee mornings, job.... I've been in the UK for over 10 years now and I still feel a bit lost, to be honest. Im very busy and involved in lots of things and know lots of people.....but it's not home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stu4668 Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 Tatty, why don't you and your husband go to one of the meet ups, they seem to have daytime and evening ones planned on here and it is a great way to meet others in similar situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkiwd Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 sorry you are feeling like that tatty, it is a big move and the fact your husband was more for it than you will make it worse. You were very unlucky seeing a snake on your first night too, we have never seen one in Perth. Will you be looking for work when you are back because I have found getting kids into school and finding a job has helped me by getting into a routine. There are meet ups planned on here but also try the Poms In Perth facebook page, there is one specifically for meet ups...some daytime coffee ones and some nightime, you just have to try and put yourself out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portlaunay Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 That's really sad to read, it must be an awful feeling when one of you wants something so much. Two months is clearly not a long time to even begin to understand a place, even one as small as Perth but I can understand it must be a terribly lonely experience if you're in the situation you describe. Since you say the move wasn't your idea, does this mean you're less inclined to try to make it work? If you are committed to two years then rather than looking at the end point, why not focus on the journey. Two years could be a great adventure and whilst you might not have existing family and friends here why not plan some holidays where you could perhaps meet midway in some exotic land? If you're mobile there's loads to see and there are clubs and groups you could join but you'd need to break away from the routine you've found yourself in. It would be great to see you at one of the PP meet ups, with or without hubby as you'll find many others who have the same fears and anxieties as yourself. I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, I would in your situation but I'd be inclined to set goals for myself to get out every day and try something new; take up photography, write, paint, do some voluntary work (which is an awesome way to meet people). Good luck, feel free to share, there will be many people on here who'd love to meet for coffee and a chat, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 Hi it is so hard to settle somewhere when you dont know anyone. We been here 4 half months OH settled down great me I am so homesick. It is normal to feel the way you do.Like everyone says get out to meet ups and working helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatty Posted August 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 Thank you all so much for the kind replies. I didn't realise there were meet ups arranged on here, I'll have a look. We are living in Fremantle. Even though it was my husband who was really pushing for the move, I would not say I am less inclined to try and make it work.. I know how badly my husband wants this and I know how lucky I am to have such a great opportunity, so I want to try my hardest to make it work and to enjoy my time there. I know we are staying for two years regardless.. I couldn't put the dog through sending him back again sooner than that and I said I would give it a two year trial, so I have to be fair and stick to that. I will be looking for part time work when I go back over... I had held off doing so intially as I knew I would have to be coming back on this trip to sort some bits out so I wanted to get that out the way first before I started applying for jobs. Every body keeps telling me how unlucky I was to see a snake on my first night and that even people living there years havent seen one but it put the fear of god into me, I really am scared stiff of them! I will try to keep in mind though that it was a rare occurance and hopefully relax a little. The funny thing is, where we lived in the UK and walked the dog, it was actually a hotspot for adders and I saw quite a few of them. If I saw them, well I saw them, i didn't like it but it didnt send me into a panic like it does there. I guess I'll get used to it. I am trying to remind myself I have lots to look forward to.... the dog will be home soon, then some nice weather, and my mum and sister are coming over to stay at Christmas. Suppose I just have to take things one day at a time. It's just a huge culture shock... in UK we lived on Mersea Island which is a small, close knit little community. Everything within walking distance and quite a sleepy little place. Coming to Fremantle is like... wow!! But thanks again all of you.. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odies Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 sorry to read your story but good to read an honest post.Moving esp. to another country is stressful and hubby working long hours ,when you want him home ,must be so hard.My first walk out along Burns Beach some 8 years ago I saw the biggest snake one side of the path and a big lizard the other, i ran, nobody believed me, been here all these years never seen one etc. but it unnerves you and you can not stop looking when you walk.Saying all this it looks to be a great place to live moving over next year and Freo is great , try and meet up with some on PP a few live in Freo, go for coffee at the weekend with hubby and enjoy fish n chips on the harbour. Life will get better and keep posting we will always support you on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJT Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 @Tatty, two months is no time at all to feel even a little bit settled, especially if you have gone back to the UK within that time. I have been here just over a year and no there is no way I can go back to the UK just yet, as I would not get back on the plane to come to back. If I remember right, two months in I was still crying myself to sleep about the move. Its a big thing you have done, even if both parties are super excited about doing it. Pets become family members so when they are not around it feels very painful. There are quite a few of us on here who have struggled when we first got here and find it difficult to go out there and make friends, but once you do it, it becomes much easier, you cannot beat meeting some friends for coffee, cake and a good chat. Some of the meet ups on here we meet half way because some are from NOR and some are from SOR, I'm sure there will be a meet up soon. What you are experiencing is completely normal and it does become easier once you know your way around, and things start to become a bit more familiar. When I was at my most unhappiest I would go and get a take away coffee and go and sit by the beach and people watch and somehow that always made be feel a bit better about the move, being outdoors and watching the waves roll in and watching those nice young men on surf boards also helped. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portlaunay Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Freo is the most creative, vibrant, interesting and supportive community I've ever lived in. Admittedly having kids in school here has helped but when we first arrived I did a lot of voluntary work and the friendships I made there have helped emotionally, financially, with work and have really shaped how we have evolved here. Mrs p is off to Nepal in October to do some charity work with them so the time and effort put in, in those early days continues to have an amazing impact on our lives. Okay, so I might not have felt as alone as you but on down days I love sitting in Ootong & Lincoln on South Terrace and people watching but there are a load of great cafe's to relax and watch the world go by in. The Meeting Place, Freo's community centre runs some great courses as does the Freo Arts Centre. When summer returns the sunset food markets open up again by the Kidogo gallery and every saturday you can sit outside with a picnic and watch the sun go down over the ocean. What sort of work do you do or would like to do? Whereabouts in Freo do you live? It's extraordinarily rare to see a snake in Freo, especially in your back yard. They can be found in the dunes but even then it's rare as there are so many people about. Good luck with the move, when you return join us at a meetup and we'll help you settle as much as we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ESSEXMAN Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Hi there. I spotted your forum letter and completely understand your experience. Friends on forum are right. Homesickness is very common and no walk in the park but it is so worth the move! My cousin went to Perth in the early 60s and has made a wonderful life. Yes she was naturally homesick and in those days visiting family was very hard with money so tight. But shes settled and for her the best thing her and husband did. I also went to Perth in the late 60s as a boy but in those days it was very hard with jobs and all that. A lot of people didnt settle and my parents needed to return home too. In hindsite I wish they had been able to tuff it out. Much better country to live in.I spent 12 yrs in Oz myself but family circumstances brought me back to uk 15 yrs ago. I still though have some wonderful Australian friends in qld and nsw. My daughters live on the Gold Coast and are very happy. In my experience of living in Oz for 12 yrs or so I did find that family ties and missing england are always going to be a the difficult flip side for some people. I was very fortunate as I was able to do some trips home from time to time. This really kept me going and for some people it helps until gradually over the years Australia does become home. Perth is the best place to live and I have great memorys of my childhood there. If my circumstances were different I would return to Perth to retire. However Im settled and probs a bit difficult to make a move now as a single older Essex man ho ho! I know Mersea Island-not well but I understand it when you speak of the community life there. My mum is still alive and lives in a little place called Aveley near Lakeside Thurrock. I live now in Ockendon. My mums neighbour lived on Mersea! He was a maintenance manager on one of the caravan parks. In a year or so I hope to be doing a holiday swap to Perth. If you and family are ever looking to have a visit back to England in the future to see family Id love to swap with some Essex people! Have a great week and all the best wishes for a brilliant life in Oz. Id be there if I was younger and could work! Paul-Ockendon -uk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotland smiley Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Hi Tatty, this sounds odd but you actually made me feel better! I have been here 2 weeks, and had my first blubbing session yesterday, but it kept going all day today. I had to have my 11 year old dog put to sleep in April ( Gordon Setter, Murray ) as he was blind and would not have made the move to Aus- he hated the heat, found scotland in summer too hot:err: and I think he is possibly the one I miss most ( much as I love my children! family, friends , house etc) It really will help having your dog with you, you will have more of a sense of belonging. I keep mugging innocent people with dogs just to cuddle them ( dogs, not the people:laugh:) I am just glad to see there is someone else who feels the way I did about their dog. Hope it all works out for you. very sensible advice from the others, which I will take note of too, I have also been thinking about the quick flight back to the uk,but our daughters are coming out for Christmas and New year so I shall at least try to make it that far! If anyone has any dogs that need cuddled, let me know.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou8670 Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 I cried myself to sleep every night for the first month or so and kept saying what an earth have I done?!?!? I still don't feel settled but each day feels a little better. It will take time. I also left a very small island, Jersey, and a very close knit community. I loved being able to drive from one side of the island to the other and seeing the beach and the sea every day. I didn't mind be cold, wind and rain as it made me feel alive!!! But we're here, the kids are settling into school (I still wonder why I took them out of THE school in Jersey but we gave up their places and have to move forward; not look back), we're all making new friends and are looking forward to exploring Australia and Asia. We arrived mid May and so have suffered a long stormy winter and then another WA winter so I am looking forward to a long summer! I think the best approach is to treat it as an adventure, an amazing life experience and not the "be end and end all" (did I get that right lol), and you never know, you may learn to like it. Definitely, come to one of our meet ups. We've been meeting for coffee on a week day once a month (I haven't set up the next one but the last one last week was at IKEA and was a great success; suggestions for the next one welcome ) and I have also been organising a family meet up on a Sunday. The next one is this Sunday at Synergy Parklands in Kings Park at 2pm to avoid the City to Surf which is on in the morning. Lots of us who meet have young children but everyone is welcome. If you miss that one they'll be more so keep a look out on here or PM me and we can always connect in FB as I also set up an event on their for those from here I'm friends with Sending you big hugs xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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