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Is it hard making friends, or is it us!!!!

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I sometimes wonder if people would have a different experience by simply moving suburbs.

you're correct arwen, we probably would. However its too late, we played the cards we were dealt, didn't like em so we are stacking. Yes we chose the cards....before any one states the obvious.

Im sticking to dice.. not Aberdeen either...

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you're correct arwen, we probably would. However its too late, we played the cards we were dealt, didn't like em so we are stacking. Yes we chose the cards....before any one states the obvious.

Im sticking to dice.. not Aberdeen either...

Also it depends on people's circumstances if can just move so easily to find a nice neighbour.

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yeah, get a rental then your stuck for 12months unless you want to pay out you lease! For us it was a choice of either moving suburbs or going home, choosing suburbs solves some problems but not all, so we chose the later. We are aware of UK's problems, but we have more support there than we do here, and anyone who under rates that family support is in for a shock!

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yeah, get a rental then your stuck for 12months unless you want to pay out you lease! For us it was a choice of either moving suburbs or going home, choosing suburbs solves some problems but not all, so we chose the later. We are aware of UK's problems, but we have more support there than we do here, and anyone who under rates that family support is in for a shock!

We didn't have a lot of help from family in England but not a day goes by I don't feel selfish for taking our daughter away from seeing my parents. Instead my daughter gets excited when i take the laptop out as she knows it's for skype lol.

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I guess I have been lucky. 2 suburbs, 2 houses and in total my kids between them have been to 4 schools. Have been and introduced myself to all neighbours along the way. My neighbours here in Connolly are all in their 60s but I know they are there if I need anything. We wave and have a chat if we are coming home at the same time. Our houses are older so we don't have the doors straight from the garage to the house. I think because I have always been independent, Mum's dead and Dad's a tosser so have never had help with my kids or with anything come to think of it. I feel this is why I have found it easier, also this isn't my first move overseas. Hardest move ever was when I packed my 2 boxes and a suitcase into my then boyfriends Peugeot 205 and tootled down the M6 from Lancashire to London in 1990. Being a 20 year old Northerner in London was the most unfriendly place on the planet!!

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I sometimes wonder if people would have a different experience by simply moving suburbs.

 

Certainly our experience was that some suburbs are easier. You always have to make an effort and seize whatever work, sporting or child related opportunities come your way. We found that living in a suburb where there were a lot of people who had moved from interstate or overseas was far better than living in a suburb where everyone is still best friends with the people they went to school with. Obviously. And I am saying this as a person who actually went to high school here, though moved away afterwards and returned 20 years later

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When we lived in Slovenia it was a totally different story and we didn't speak their language at first!

Such a friendly place... I miss Slovenia :sad:

Soon i'll drag the kids there and show them some nice snow, mountains and lakes...ooohh the list goes on.

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When we lived in Slovenia it was a totally different story and we didn't speak their language at first!

Such a friendly place... I miss Slovenia :sad:

Soon i'll drag the kids there and show them some nice snow, mountains and lakes...ooohh the list goes on.

What about a beach or a park [emoji3]

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Don't think I've ever known my neighbors.

 

Friends are got through other friends, work & hobbies.

 

Why would I have enough in common to be friends, just because we live next to each other?

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Don't think I've ever known my neighbors.

 

Friends are got through other friends, work & hobbies.

 

Why would I have enough in common to be friends, just because we live next to each other?

 

I've only ever been friends with 1 neighbour, in a small block of 10 flats when I first moved to London. Still friends now. All the rest have been polite chat on the drive kind of people who keep an eye on the house and mail if I am away. Not once in 30 years of home ownership have I had a bad neighbour.

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I've only ever been friends with 1 neighbour, in a small block of 10 flats when I first moved to London. Still friends now. All the rest have been polite chat on the drive kind of people who keep an eye on the house and mail if I am away. Not once in 30 years of home ownership have I had a bad neighbour.

I know the current enough to say "hello", and we put each others bins away if they are out etc. But I'd struggle to pick most of them out of a lineup.

 

But go down the pub with them? It'd be a bit weird.

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How long is a while? Not to sound smart but we have been in Perth 4 years in April - Ihave met lots and lots of people and I can honestly say Ihave only met one friend who I see regularly. We have a 17 year old daughter so never had the opportunity to meet people from playdates etc because we both work fulltime. Is there still hope? Does it take 10 years to have friends that you can rely on? I know everyone is different but is that one of the trials and tribulations of being an immigrant that you need to accept the loneliness and isolation that comes with it? Me and my hubby are both "bosses" at work so the opportunity to make friends is minimal. Because I have been burnt in the past I have stopped making an effort now. Has anyone got any ideas for people who are nearly 40 with a grown up teenager who does her own thing? Im kinda running out of ideas. Ive done all the days out, nights out , coffees and then the gym, clubs etc. Maybe Im just weird lol!!!! Any feedback would be appreciated :)

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WE tried that and it didnt make any difference to us. If anything the neighbours are quiter around here and dont associate with each other. Not that you want to live in each others pockets but I find they areall busy doing their thing

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We are in the same situation, except that our kids have left the nest. Definitely easier when the children are in school / college. We are building in a different area to where we have been living for three years and hoping that we will meet some friends at last then. Also both "bosses" at work so difficult to socialise with people at work. Think that we have forgotten how to make friends!!

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I have found this thread very interesting to hear how people have found the issue of making new friends different. We are at the beginning of our journey hoping to lodge our EOI by the end of the year. Me and the wife are not too worried about the process as we don't really see any family, haven't done for years. We only really see her parents and my Gran at the annual Christmas present exchange as we live 100 miles from all of them. We may have an advantage due to me being ex military and used to upping sticks regular and having to put ourselves out there and make friends where ever I was posted. The kids (11 & 9 ) may be different though. I don't really have a close friend here in the uk to be honest, we have good neighbours but no one I would meet regular for anything. I don't usually struggle to get on with anyone, but we tend to spend a lot of time as a family just the four of us. Hopefully we will settle better and make proper friends in Oz but in the back of my mind I'm treating it like a 4 year posting and just want to give it a go. Don't know what I'm going to do when I'm not spending all hours researching the move though, will need a new hobby I guess.

Steve

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im of a similar background to yourself SteveJ, and did come here with the mindset of a 4 year posting. However, just like a 4 year posting, you try all the good things everyone raves about first, tick the box's etc, settle into a routine, get bored, start to talk with people who have been somewhere else etc then want to move again asap.

So we are moving back in March, ready for the next adventure! Might try main land Europe next....somewhere cold.

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Well Surhythms, I cannot comment whether you weird or not lol, having not met you yet! I am in a similar situation to you family wise as only got my youngest child a daughter aged 20 here with us, and I am the boss at work, so makes work friendships a work only event. Don't really have many suggestions as like you have tried several routes. The most successful one was I had to change my shift one day and went along to another thread meet up of walking at Mullaloo on a Thursday morning. I have found some lovely friends through that one meeting, albeit they are in different stages of their lives having younger children, the girls I met, and other people they knew that they introduced me to have been lovely. The hardest part is with working full time as most people have family events at weekends or chores, so that restricts options. I have not had chance to be on this site for a few months, but at home resting for 6 weeks following an op, and that's when the loneliness kicked back in.

 

Never really had a lot of support from family in uk, so did not expect to feel quite so lonely on occasions here. My OH and I looking to possibly go to the meet up on 28.2.16 in the city at Boheme, just because.... If anyone else is going let me know ( I will be on this site for the next few weeks whilst at home, so would be good opportunity to maybe say Hi?

 

Arwen, will pm you, we live in same suburb and sounds like family history similar. Seems a shame not to get together? x

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Hi everyone

Its so nice to read all the comments and find that actually it isn't just us in this situation. We have been here four and a half years. We have met some lovely people. We have made some good friends, but we have also come across those that just use and abuse. I think because we didn't know anyone when we arrived. We where to trusting of people thinking that they were looking for long lasting friends, but a lot of them just used us. We would have bbq's at our have people for dinner etc. never getting invites back. Hubby is a mechanic so these so called friends would say oh can you take a look at my car . Being the good bloke he is he would. Anyway the list is endless. We are a genuine friendly couple normal people that have been bitten to many times. I don't want to be negative, just want to find some nice genuine people that are looking to make friends. We are both in our forties, children grown up. We are north of the river. So anyone that is looking for the same as us, feel free to message . Would be great to meet up.

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Hi everyone

Its so nice to read all the comments and find that actually it isn't just us in this situation. We have been here four and a half years. We have met some lovely people. We have made some good friends, but we have also come across those that just use and abuse. I think because we didn't know anyone when we arrived. We where to trusting of people thinking that they were looking for long lasting friends, but a lot of them just used us. We would have bbq's at our have people for dinner etc. never getting invites back. Hubby is a mechanic so these so called friends would say oh can you take a look at my car . Being the good bloke he is he would. Anyway the list is endless. We are a genuine friendly couple normal people that have been bitten to many times. I don't want to be negative, just want to find some nice genuine people that are looking to make friends. We are both in our forties, children grown up. We are north of the river. So anyone that is looking for the same as us, feel free to message . Would be great to meet up.

 

 

Hi Ed and Jen.

Fully understand how you feel, we had good and bad start to our life here. But you know what, I've realised something and that is to just move on get over it and chalk it up to experience. We've been here just over 8 years and we're realising you don't need an extensive circle of friends. We have a handful, and some we've only recently made and some we've known since we arrived. We don't live in each other's pockets we have a laugh when we do meet up whether that's for drinks coffee or BBQ or just bumping into each other at the shops. But the conclusion we have come to is that you have to learn from whatever life throws at you. It will happen you just have to go with it.

I used to worry about it being my fault, people being nasty. I've now realised its not me it's them. It happens a lot, and I've never worked out why.

Anyway I wish you all the best, life here is great as you know, and Kinross is a pretty good place to live too

Jane

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Thanks for your nice reply Jane. I agree it's nice to have a few friends rather than loads of aquantances. We also do like our own space and doing stuff together. Not the sort to live in each other's pockets. We have moved on from the people who say they are your friends but turn out to be not what you thought. Life here is great and we appreciate that we have been given the chance to live in this beautiful country. I'm sure we will meet some more lovely people. Thank you for your best wishes.

jen

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I have been in Perth a long time and still don't have any close friends it's just the way it is here.......even my Aussie partner who has spent considerable time with me and my friends in the uk says socially Perth is a very private/awkward place. I am quite sure there are sociable and open people here but good luck bumping into them lol

Edited by Wa7

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Hi Ed and Jen,

 

We would love to hook up and meet for a drink or afternoon coffee?? Would be easier on a weekend, but cant do the next one but add me as friend and pm if interested. Will look forward to hearing from you, but no pressure lol. :cute:

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