cocolevi Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Now that we've decided to go for our visas we are going to keep it to ourselves for a while. When we spoke about wanting to move to Australia to my MIL a year or so ago she told a friend of ours we were being selfish and it wasn't fair to take her grand children away from them (our 3 daughters where the only ones then ) How did any of you guys get on telling family your moving to the other side of the world , did any one take it badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasonM Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 My OH and myself have told our mothers, my Mum says go for it she will miss the Grand children but we have to do it for them, the OH mother is ok at the moment as we have only started the process, i think it will become more of an issue if we get granted. that will be another conversation with the OH as she is still not 100% behind the move..... Its only because of leaving her mum which i am sure some of your girlys will know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocolevi Posted March 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 We told them that they can come over and time for weeks at a time ( well we'll see lol) and spend more quality time with the girls bit we got all the well we can't get the time off it was all so negative , so it does put a dampner on it for us feel like we can't talk about it in front of them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasonM Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 My opinion is that you have to do what is best for your family. OH and children. people may feel differently but this is how we are doing it and speaking to the family about it. I have had a friend that has come back to the UK after 4 years as their family made them feel so bad, now that they are back they are looking to go back to Australia as the family hasn’t been that supportive now that they are back. Not all families are the same and people will react differently, only you will truly now how to deal with your family. Also my Mum has told me a story from when she was a girl they was all set to go on the old £10 boat thing I think it was, my great gran got on her knees and begged my gran (her daughter) not to go and the didn’t hence I am here to tell this tale but my Mum always says how her mum (my Gran) always regrets not going. I have also said to people that the size of the world is so much smaller these days and with Skype face time etc. and when we do see each other it will be for quality time and not just talking crap which can be done over a video line anyhow. Sorry if the whole gran / great gran thing confuses anyone because I now feel confused myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocolevi Posted March 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Haha I didn't get too confused Yes absolutely you need to live your own lives, I don't want to get 5 years down the line and regret it at least if we don't like it we can go back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasonM Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 That is how we are seeing it at the moment, but the process is a long and hard one, well atleast that is how it seems to me. Things could change but we have made the commitment to at least go for the visa, you never know the medical could be an issue or is that pretty hard to fail ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tanya24 Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Hi guys we've just started the process as well but decided not to tell any1! once we have got the visa then we will tell family and friends not only that we don't want to jinks it as anything can go wrong and if it did we don't want to be hearing "i told u so" besides we'll have at lease 6 months before (after the visa has been granted) before we go, so plenty of time for them to get use to the idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou8670 Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) I've heard some horror stories on here unfortunately! Ours weren't too bad, MIL said she's coming with us and submitted her own visa application (my SIL has been in Oz for 7 years and so was able to sponsor her), my parents OTOH took it badly but hid their feelings...my brother told me mum has been in tears, but they are starting to come around to the idea and the realisation they can visit for 3 months every year Edited March 5, 2014 by Lou8670 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkiwd Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 We told both sets that we were going for two years to see if we like it, then make a decision about whether to stay or go home after that. It has taken the edge off by letting them think its not forever necessarily. We figure that after 2 years away they will be used to the idea by then so won't be too shocked if we don't come home! Its tough for OH as his mum doesn't travel (at all, not even a bus) so he won't see her until the next time we visit uk on holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akasully2 Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 I found that by regularly talking about it casually, it caused them to be desensitised. Initially, things were much more raw but after quite a while as we went along our applying journey, they heard bits and pieces thus seemed less shocked and hurt. I think the worst thing you can do is not to talk about it. i think the idea of saying it is only for two years is very good. However, wouldn't work with us as we are selling the house. A big concern from my mum was that we would not be able to afford to come back, if it all went wrong. Reassuring her that we would never leave ourselves that short, gave her some comfort. Also installing skype for her on her TV with a little discreet camera has made her realise that she can see us from the comfort of her arm chair very easily. She said she has come to terms with it now. She says however, she will never be strong enough to make the journey to us. That is sad because I can't even begin to think when we will next return if all goes well. The cat and my mum, the ones I will miss most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sideshowdeb Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 In the saddest of ways, we've been really lucky. I don't really have any family left, except my Mum and her initial reaction was "that's great, I wish I'd done it when I was your age!" She's widowed and is one of those pensioners who wonders how she ever had time for a job. She loves travelling and is already planning her first visit. Hopefully she'll come for a month or 2 each spring or autumn? She got a bit upset at Christmas, but I think that's because we won't have Christmas together again as it will be too hot for her to visit then and she knows I have no plans to return. Sadly Rich isn't close to his family, which means no dramas on that side either. That said, when we broke the news we told people we were only going for 2 years initially. I don't know why, I guess it was all a bit overwhelming to suddenly have everyone know, after it being our little secret for long. There's probably no right time to tell family and friends so my advice would be to live with it for a while, get your head round the process and do it when it feels best for you. I've read some heartbreaking accounts on here, but some really awful situations have turned themselves around, given time. People are full of surprises so if it doesn't go well initially, don't give up hope that it won't all work out for the best in the end. Good luck, Debs x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beandownunder Posted March 5, 2014 Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 we've had tears and silence/denial from the MIL- a wise friend told me it was like the stages of grief and she's correct -as she's now accepted it is happening and is even coming out with us in October when we validate our visa! my parents are supportive although due to health issues they would struggle to ever visit us and that's what's worries me as we're very close :-( good luck! you'll be shocked at the reactions of "friends" and the comments you will get when it all comes out in the open! xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sideshowdeb Posted March 5, 2014 Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 good luck! you'll be shocked at the reactions of "friends" and the comments you will get when it all comes out in the open! xx That's so true! Cocolevi, there's a thread titled 'Brave' I think? It'll give you a good idea of what to expect when your plans become common knowledge, and it should make you laugh too x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beandownunder Posted March 5, 2014 Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 That's so true! Cocolevi, there's a thread titled 'Brave' I think? It'll give you a good idea of what to expect when your plans become common knowledge, and it should make you laugh too x it is called brave - I started it! it will give you something to laugh at ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocolevi Posted March 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks guys for all the replies, glad its not just up. We decided when we have more definite answers we will start saying things. Theres nothing worse than being asked and you keep having to say " I don't know or im not sure":cute: sideshowdeb and beandownunder ill start looking for it thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocolevi Posted March 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 it is called brave - I started it! it will give you something to laugh at ! In have just finished reading Brave and I did chuckle a few times. Its so funny what people think of Australia. I had one friend who asked me if all the house where miles and miles apart lol And I suppose it is nice to think in some ways friends and family get upset coz they will miss us but you do need to do what is right for you and your family, no one else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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