Cornishpoms13 Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Has anyone had to leave a child behind in the uk? When I say child I'm talking 18! we are desperate to move back to Perth but our son who is 16 at the moment has no interest in returning. We need to be bk in Perth by the end of May 2018 before the visa expires,by which point he'll be 18. i hope in time he'll change his mind. But we don't want to give up the visa when at the end of the day your children grow up and do their own things in life! advice would be much appreciated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfie Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Cant he come back with you to renew your visa then return to the UK? He then has a choice to follow you at a later date if he changes his mind? He can then keep his options open Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseandAnne Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hi Cornishpoms, I was married before and have two girls aged 14 that I left behind as they did not want to come. Our visa was due to run out this year and we hung on as long as we could but I made the decision that we would come and try it and see how we got on. I am very close to my girls and I agonised and agonised about it. I am married again and my wife and I have two small children and this also caused me concern because they love there little brother and sister. But I had noticed in the last year they have started to get their own life, wanting to go out with friends and increasingly coming round less. I also made sure they had a visa to come that we activated 4 years ago so there was no way they could say we hadn't included them. I have an older step daughter that is now in her late twenties who I raised and I was aware that very quickly from early teens they start to put you at the bottom of the list as a parent, don't get me wrong, they still need me and I knew I wasn't going to be there for them like I had been but I felt the opportunity was not just for us but for them in a few years time. We are nearly three months in and I text them every morning before school and talk to at least one of them via Face Time every day. I have found the communication to be a life saver and we sit for an hour or so sometimes chatting, but sometimes one or both will be doing something so it will be a quick chat. It has been hard for me as Im a very hands on dad but I still send pocket money every month, pay for their phones, I'm in constant contact with the school to check they haven't dipped academically and emotionally. I sort out their clubs and school trips so they know that I might not be in the same town but I am still their dad and can sort stuff out for them. Its not the same, I cant give them a hug or run them to school when its raining, their mother now has to do that sort of thing (roll eyes) but its better than I thought it would be. They are coming out in 4 weeks and they are so excited and so am I. If you want to know anything else please ask, as is often bandied around quite freely, You Only Live Once, but this is so true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornishpoms13 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 We'll make him come out with us and try and get an extension on his visa and hopefully he'll hang around a little longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornishpoms13 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 So true. It's a very selfish age, they can't see beyond their own needs. And before you know it they've grown up and are off doing their thing. we bought him and his sister over 3 years ago, my husband struggled and we returned to the uk. He was happy in Perth at the time, but he's settled back here and doesn't want to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benj1980 Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 As well as emotional ties of staying in Cornwall I presume. It's an awkward time in terms of education. What does he plan to do? Universities in Oz and the U.K. Could decide he doesn't qualify for a student loan for example depending on your timing. Plus the fact that pasties are rubbish here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseandAnne Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Plus the fact that pasties are rubbish here... LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rossmoyne Posted July 6, 2016 Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 @Cornihspoms13 you are in a very difficult situation. I am guessing that you have sat down and talked with your son and explained all the pros and cons and that he is not listening because he just wants life as he knows it to continue to suit him. Does he realise that if he doesn't come with you, that he will be responsible totally for himself, work, lodgings, financially etc? I bet he probably might not have given that a thought. Visas for permanent residency in Australia are getting harder and harder to get, so as he has this already, he needs to realise that he has a chance of securing his future choices by coming with you for a while. He can always go back to UK after a few months if that is what he wants, and then that gives him the lifeline to come back within 5 years. Education is a big issue if he is planning on university etc, but gap years are there for a purpose, and he could use his to spend time in Australia with you all. May I make a suggestion that you write him a letter... yes the old fashioned way, by hand... and lay out the pros and cons for him dispassionately, and end the letter by confirming your love of him and that you only want the best for him in life and that this is just one pathway you can give him. I know people laugh at the thought of letter writing, especially with a pen, but this is basic communication apart from the spoken word, and it is easier to make an argument and state your case without anger, temper, shouting, obscenities etc. And it is on paper and can be read again and again and again....... My family is very small but we are very close and we have good communication between us, and letter writing has always been one way of achieving this for us, especially through the teenage years when there was so much angst from all of us. My kids are now into their 30's, but we still write letters to each other by hand.... it means so much more than texts, emails, shouted comments etc. I hope you can sort this.... feeling so much for you... Rossy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frosties Posted July 16, 2016 Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 We were in your position beginning of last year. We had until the end of Feb to arrive in Perth before our visa ran out and our then 19 year old son had been adamant that he wasn't coming with us - I managed to persuade him to come by saying that as parents we couldn't leave him, it would never sit well with us but he could leave us, he could come out for a few months and then return to the UK if he wanted. He agreed! He stayed for about 7 months then went back as missed his mates (just turned 20 then) he spent 6 months in a crappy job staying with a friend, spent all his money partying/concerts and realised he needed to be with us so came back!! He's giving it another go and is a lot more positive and I think a bit more mature. It was still hard letting him go and so good having him back. It's a huge emotional rollercoster - it's not easy when their 18+ - good luck it will all work out, sometimes it's best not to over think things. Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frosties Posted July 16, 2016 Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 Forgot to mention we could only get one years extension on his visa so if he hadn't come back by August this year he would have had to go through his own visa application if he wanted to return for good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaznSal Posted July 16, 2016 Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 Perhaps you need to think of it from his point of view, you say he's at a selfish age but perhaps he thinks you're the selfish ones. You're the ones who want to uproot him from his life for a third time, he probably thinks you'll be home again in time if he stays in the UK. I know you won't like my input but I think you need a balanced point of view. Good luck with what you decide. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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