what to do ?

[pegg]

Hey guys ,

So really struggling on what and when to do it !!!  We where thinking of heading back to WA around feb 2019 , however at the moment we are trying to keep it all together as father in law has a stage 4 brain tumour and only weeks to live , sadly !

So, feb maybe difficult . However we need advice regarding our son , He was the main reason we had to return to the UK as he was so unhappy . Sadly we are now the ones that are unhappy here in the UK , but hes settled back in and xbox has once again taken up most of his time.

He is at high school and will be sitting gcse's 2020 . So we are now thinking - when do we make the move ? He does not want to go back - we even did say how about he studies his A levels etc in Oz ?

Its so hard as my wife has a job waiting back in joondalup , we know the areas we like .......... I just feel we shouldnt have given in and made him stay in the first place .

Not sure what im asking ? i just wonder if anyone has been in the same situation as us ? We love the UK and OZ ..... but the pull of the ocean and sun is really really hitting hard .

Me ,the wife and little girl would be over next year asap ..... but we just cannot bare our 14 yr old son to be so lonely and unhappy again. 

Just putting it out there guys ..... i know the forum dosent seem to get the responses it used to , but any advice would be great ! 

 

[Wa7]

Holy moly

Well 14yrs old is probably the worst age to move him ( esp when he's not interested)

You may need to wait until he is older and take it from there ( he may have a change of mind  ) otherwise you go, he stays or you all stay.

Terrible predicament to be in but I feel that in long run you may have to stay in uk atleast until his schooling is finished, unless you are happy to deal with the potential consequences of taking him over ( only you guys know what the reaction will be )

Best wishes

[Weedolly]

Quote

 

Since when did a 14 year old dictate the decisions that affect the whole family.  Sorry but he might not like it but at 14 he would still be doing what he was told if he was my child. You have already given in to him once, when does it stop!

[pegg]

the biggy was , he went so within himself , he stopped eating and the happiness just drained out of him . he misssed his friends and grandparents so much.

However, since going and coming back he has matured a hell of a lot and he does miss parts of our Aussie adventure !

Now is a bad time , as we are are tending to our father-in-law as hes in his last stages of life with his cancer ..... So right now the UK is the right place to be .

But i just feel , with us having permenant visa's and my wife having a job over there - its something we cannot ignore ......... well when you swim every morning in the ocean and bask in the glorious sun for a year - yep , its a pretty hard place to ignore .

Im a big beliver in fate ...... so i guess what will meant to be - will be meant to be !

 

I also miss my little chats with the "coles" check out ladies at whitfords with my little girl ...... funny the things we miss ha ha , But yep  The UK can certainly take some big tips from Australias freindly customer service .

 

Anyhow , thanks guys 

 

[Tab]

Sending good wishes to all your family sad to hear about father in law. Think you need to deal with the family situation before you make any decisions re returning to Australia.  Do hope you can all get back we're off on the 2nd January and very excited.  Keep us posted T

[pegg]

Yes @Tab, this is it for now we need to be here for the family and whats going on . but yep will always keep everyone posted ........ and good luck to you Jan 2nd !! whoop whoop

[ali]

So sorry to hear about your FIL Pegg.  The move is a bit of dilemma … I'd be saying if you're all coming back, you need to do it so your son can be here for Years 11 and 12.  GCSE's won't count for much here, but A levels will be able to be converted  in order to get Uni entry.

A colleagues daughter remained in the UK to complete A levels (living with a relative) and took holidays out here in WA - don't know if this is an option for you (albeit a difficult one to be separated from your child).

Whilst I don't think kids can dictate the whole families happiness - seeing a once bubbly child become depressed must be heartbreaking.   Hard to foretell the future - would your son return long enough to get citizenship and with that he'll always then have the option of returning to Aus .. but gives him the freedom to also return to the UK if he wants to?

[pegg]

This is it @ali , he would return for citizenship but he has a year and a half until gcse's .... which is so important obviously, then its A levels ! but we only have 3 years on Visa . Its just been terrible timing , it really has . we do not want to screw up his education just for us . Unless he could study english A levels in Oz ????? EEK i just dont know what to do. 

And whilst this is going on our daughter is getting older - shes 5 now .... so with friends and all that , it gets harder and harder. 

mmmmmm , sure we'll sort it ....... some how 

[Horsemad1976]

Sorry to hear about your FIL @pegg. Not sure what I can add since we've haven't made the 'big move' yet. We are visiting family over Christmas & there is a fair chance we won't be going home (long story but it involves a TSS & Job) anyhow, I digress. 

Our daughter will also be sitting her GCSE's in 2020 (Yr 10 currently) if we were staying in the UK. We are lucky, she is excited about the move though (sad to be leaving her friends) but has a small handful of Aussie friends she's kept in touch with since our last visit in 2016.

Our daughter is a quiet girl but enjoys 'the great outdoors' and leads an active lifestyle here & will be embracing the warmer climate out there to continue it! Does your son have any hobbies other than gaming? 

[pegg]

hi @Horsemad1976 , this is the thing when in oz he would be excited to hook up at weekends to talk to uk friends on his XBOX  ( which did not help at all ) ...... But now hes back , he goes to school - comes back - does homework - then straight on XBOX . They never go out or socialize much ......... I think its so unhealthy mentally !

He is a bright lad and really healthy - not overweight , but he does lack confidence. He used to enjoy boxing a few years back - and he was pretty good ...... So whilst we where there i wish i had took him to the local club. He did not like the idea of the surfclub ...... However in mullaloo it was pretty overpowering !

He also loves the ocean , he can pop up on a surfboard and enjoys surfing ............... But it just comes doen to him missing his friends and family, And also now faffing up his gcse's ( if we went now ).

But yes hobbies are a big factor and if we went back - thats somthing that will have to change ! he needs somthing over than that flipping xbox !!! Infact that was one major dissapointment , we thought once in Oz - that maybe kids there dont game so much ..... But man ocean reef school - all the lads again on xbox , trying to sort actual people conecting .... well it was different in my day ! lol  

[ali]

17 hours ago, pegg said:

This is it @ali , he would return for citizenship but he has a year and a half until gcse's .... which is so important obviously, then its A levels ! but we only have 3 years on Visa . Its just been terrible timing , it really has . we do not want to screw up his education just for us . Unless he could study english A levels in Oz ????? EEK i just dont know what to do. 

And whilst this is going on our daughter is getting older - shes 5 now .... so with friends and all that , it gets harder and harder. 

mmmmmm , sure we'll sort it ....... some how 

Have you looked into the international baccalaureate?  Don't know much about it, but may be an option as qualifications are recognised in a lot of countries for Uni.

[Horsemad1976]

It's such a hard time for them - I'd hate to be a teenager in todays times! (no internet or mobile phone popularity when I was that age!) it's s struggle to know what to do for the best.  

I am hoping to get both our girls into a local swimming club (they both swim here) so that they can forge friendships outside of school with likeminded children. Fingers crossed I am find a nice welcoming one & it helps them settle with a degree of continuity for them. 

IB is worth investigating if you are intending to stay in the UK. Our daughter goes to an EB school are IB's around our area are few & far between. Having said that she'll be heading to an IB school once we've settled in Australia. 

Our younger daughter (who is  will be going to the local primary until there is space at the IB school - less worried about her transition to life in Australia as she's young hasn't got hormones, exams or lifelong friendships formed yet!

Is there an active hobby he has expressed an interest in? I know a few children who lack confidence who have flourished studying various forms of martial arts. 

[pegg]

Cheers guys , will look into international baccalaureate ...... But im afraid where all abit sad today as my father-in-law passed away last night , weve had an awful time with his brain tumour but now he is at rest.

So yep cheers guys i will think on , but just pulling together as a family for the time being .

[Jen78]

Hi,

Sorry  to hear about your FIL, thoughts go out to you and your family.  I am a big believer in fate and believe that you went home for a reason and this was it, to be there for your extended family.

Regarding your son, if he has just started year 10 then he would continue in year 10 here for all of the next academic year and sit his exams at the end of year 12, so he will be at no detriment if you left next year.  If you are thinking of moving again before your visas run out then if I were you I would do it sooner rather than later so he can finish his education here rather than waiting for him to do his GCSEs / A levels.  

My eldest daughter was 14 when we moved and in year  9.  Luckily she settled in straight away and has made a great group of friends but it has taken her nearly 2 years to find a hobby.  She has just been in her first musical and is now planning on being in another 2. next year if she passes the auditions.  Before that she would just be on her computer or I pad and admitted that she was bored but didn’t know what she wanted to do with her time.

The younger daughter was 10 and in year 6 when we moved and didn’t really settle at all for the first year.  She has tried a number of things, Taekwondo, modelling academy, basketball, but nothing stuck.  She has finally found a youth group run by the local church that she goes to on a Friday evening and she really enjoys it.  Again, that was fairly recently and has helped her to feel that she belongs.  She also has a group of friends now that she’s in yr 7 but that has taken a little while to form too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that children don’t always settle and jump straight in to the new life as quickly as we would hope and it can take time to make friends  and find hobbies etc.  I totally get the not wanting to stuff up his education but if you moved back over next yr he would in effect have another year to prepare for the exams.  You know your son though and obviously worry about how he would cope.

I suppose you’ve got to consider how unhappy you all would be as a family if you left it much longer knowing how much you enjoyed the ocean and sunshine etc.

I think most high schools have psychologists, if you do move back and you are worried, you could always talk to the psych to ask advice or for help on settling him in etc 

Hope you manage to come to a decision without to much stress.

Jen x

[Horsemad1976]

2 hours ago, pegg said:

Cheers guys , will look into international baccalaureate ...... But im afraid where all abit sad today as my father-in-law passed away last night , weve had an awful time with his brain tumour but now he is at rest.

So yep cheers guys i will think on , but just pulling together as a family for the time being .

Sorry to hear of your sad news. Thinking of you all at this awful time. x

[ali]

9 hours ago, pegg said:

Cheers guys , will look into international baccalaureate ...... But im afraid where all abit sad today as my father-in-law passed away last night , weve had an awful time with his brain tumour but now he is at rest.

So yep cheers guys i will think on , but just pulling together as a family for the time being .

So sorry to hear of your families loss.  xxx

[pegg]

On 16/11/2018 at 14:55, Jen78 said:

Hi,

Sorry  to hear about your FIL, thoughts go out to you and your family.  I am a big believer in fate and believe that you went home for a reason and this was it, to be there for your extended family.

Regarding your son, if he has just started year 10 then he would continue in year 10 here for all of the next academic year and sit his exams at the end of year 12, so he will be at no detriment if you left next year.  If you are thinking of moving again before your visas run out then if I were you I would do it sooner rather than later so he can finish his education here rather than waiting for him to do his GCSEs / A levels.  

My eldest daughter was 14 when we moved and in year  9.  Luckily she settled in straight away and has made a great group of friends but it has taken her nearly 2 years to find a hobby.  She has just been in her first musical and is now planning on being in another 2. next year if she passes the auditions.  Before that she would just be on her computer or I pad and admitted that she was bored but didn’t know what she wanted to do with her time.

The younger daughter was 10 and in year 6 when we moved and didn’t really settle at all for the first year.  She has tried a number of things, Taekwondo, modelling academy, basketball, but nothing stuck.  She has finally found a youth group run by the local church that she goes to on a Friday evening and she really enjoys it.  Again, that was fairly recently and has helped her to feel that she belongs.  She also has a group of friends now that she’s in yr 7 but that has taken a little while to form too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that children don’t always settle and jump straight in to the new life as quickly as we would hope and it can take time to make friends  and find hobbies etc.  I totally get the not wanting to stuff up his education but if you moved back over next yr he would in effect have another year to prepare for the exams.  You know your son though and obviously worry about how he would cope.

I suppose you’ve got to consider how unhappy you all would be as a family if you left it much longer knowing how much you enjoyed the ocean and sunshine etc.

I think most high schools have psychologists, if you do move back and you are worried, you could always talk to the psych to ask advice or for help on settling him in etc 

Hope you manage to come to a decision without to much stress.

Jen x

Thankyou for your post Jen,  always nice to get a bit of feedback of what other people went through - and how they dealt with things ..... Thanks again

[pegg]

Thanks again for your help. 

It was Steves funeral thursday  - FIL ..... i think its going to be a tricky christmas this year , so may not post much ! So if i dont ..... please enjoy the sea for me ! and have a chrimbo !

[ali]

Will be a difficult Christmas for your family Pegg - thinking of you and hope that your family can smile through the inevitable tears xx

[Lauren & Luke]

Hi @pegg

Hope you are well. I am new to the forum and I have been reading through this thread.

Just wondering if you have managed to get the ball rolling to get back to Australia?

Lauren

[pegg]

HEY @Lauren & Luke ,

So, where were at ...... Well we bought an old cottage and are currently renovating, We bought cheap so our aim is to really boost our collateral with this cottage. Once completed later this year ..... we can then plan our next move!

We will rent the cottage whilst in Oz and explore housing options once arrive ...... again .

We have decided to let our Son take his GCSE's here in UK ( well this is the mindset for now ) ..... Then we are planning to move back to WA and he can look at A levels etc other there .... and our daughter will still be in primary school.

My wife is still good friends with the staff she worked with ..... And her job is still there if she wants it ( which is great ).  

As for me im thinking of training for another career other than bricklaying , but not sure. 

But yep this is where we are at the moment.

For us our biggest problem is that we really do like both countries , they both have positives and negatives ....... But where just looking at we only get one life - so hey lets enjoy ;o)