The First Stages written by an emotional wreck

[jojo1310]

Good evening everyone,

 

I'm seeking solace in my fellow Perthpom buddies. We're at the very beginning of our journey; we are about to tell parents and loved ones of our plans to move to Australia. We literally talk about Australia, Perth, my finances step family and the life style we could live out in Oz nearly everyday; we think about how much it will change our lives for the better and we talk about how exciting our future will be if we move there. It's now all about taking that leap and committing.

 

Ive never felt more certain about wanting to do something but at the same time I have never felt more scared. I range from one day feeling excited and beyond comprehension at what were about to commit to; I feel so happy to think I could one day live in, what I consider, to be the most amazing place in the world! To the next day feeling so sad, worrying if it's the right thing to do and the most intense feeling of all, is guilt. How can I think about leaving my family and friends and travelling to the other side of the world just to satisfy my selfish needs!

 

I suppose, what I'm trying to ask in a round about way is, how on earth do I over come this roller coaster of emotion? Maybe it's something not to over come but maybe just learn to tackle. Sorry for the deep topic of conversation but I'm hoping that talking about it with people that are experiencing and have experience what I feel, may be able to help.

 

Thank you,

 

from a rather tired and emotional pom xx

Edited January 27, 2014 by jojo1310

[SJT]

Unfortunately what you described is very very normal, and over time the roller coaster ride just keeps on going. One day you will be so excited you think you may burst and other times you just burst into tears. A post came up on here yesterday that I had posted something on, I could not remember the post so I read it and my answer, it was a few weeks before we arrived here and it was funny reading back how I felt. Sometimes PP can be a bit like a diary depending on what posts have been written and how you are feeling on that day as to whether you post a reply or not, it makes great reading and I'm constantly on here.

 

We have been here just over six months and would not change a thing, and nearly every day I am here, I have to pinch myself that I am so lucky to live in such a beautiful place. Don't get me wrong, we still have problems, like hubby still has not found work, apparently he is too over qualified and because he knows no one here, he can't get his foot in any door to start a job even quite a few rungs down the ladder, but we planned for that and accepted it could take a year to find a job. But we will not go back, the kids are very settled and very happy and they seem very content, we tend to do more family things here, just like walking to the beach and back for a stroll of an evening because you can here nearly most days because the weather is lovely.

 

We too like nearly everyone else left family and friends, but at the end of the day you have to do what is best for your immediate family, you will never be able to please everyone, so you have to do what makes you happy.

 

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about the emotions just accept the good days and on a bad day a rather large glass of wine tends to help.

 

It does work out and once you are here and settled those emotions seem like a very long way off.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

 

Sarah

[portlaunay]

There's probably not a single person here who doesn't understand your experience. We all go through highs and lows, hopes and fears and for a lot of us it doesn't end when we land, it continues for some considerable time beyond.

I think you're right, you're not trying to overcome these feelings, just find a way that's right for you to better manage them. If you consider all the big emotional issues we face in our lives, emigrating is one that still only a small number of people undertake and a great many simply don't have the stamina or courage to do it.

I think the fear you speak of is the same for a lot of people, of the unknown, failure, making mistakes along the way, regret, a whole heap of stuff that is perfectly natural. What have you got to lose though? Learn from your mistakes, gain insight and confidence from the experience and if it doesn't work out, who cares, you gave it a shot and you're better for having done so.

[elfie]

Also for some emotions do not really surface until they actually get to Australia. Once arrived it actually "hits" you are really here. Then guilt is usually brought on by the people you left behind.

The easy part is the process of the visa the hard part is when you get here. Some stick with it and have a happy life others cant bear being without the ones they left behind, find it hard to find work, etc and go back. Neither party should see it as a defeat.

Life is certainly "what you make of it"

Good on you I say for having ambition in life hope everything goes well for you.

[tayloal]

JOJO

I can only agree with what SJT, Portlaunay and Elfie have all said.

I'm taking it that you have been to Australia already and have fallen in love with the place?

 

What I would ask though is what do you mean by changing your life for the better?

I have always said I wanted to come to Australia for a different life, a better life to me would be one without having to work, without taxes, without having to do daily / weekly chores and still being able to have my family around me, unfortunately most of those aren't going to happen so it was a different lifestyle that I sought. One were I don't have to worry as much about whether I will be living in a Chinese laundry for 3 or 4 months because I can't hang washing out (still got them pesky chores), one where I know I might not have to struggle to get to work the next day due to 2 foot of snow, one where I know I can plan for weekends away and almost be certain I will have the whether to enjoy the weekend away.

I loved the countryside in the UK but a day out or weekend in Wales or the Lake District really wasn't on the cards from October through to April without getting soaked, blown everywhere and freezing cold, yes I could have bought all the gear but it was the hassle on the day !

 

Regarding feelings of guilt due to leaving my family, my sisters have their lives, I lived 6 miles from them in the UK and may not see them for 6 - 8 weeks at a time but we would talk on the phone and I can do that from here. We are a close family, please don't think we aren't, but people grow into their own lives. My mates had their own lives and all had families and obviously time with friends became rarer and rarer.

 

I left my parents to the last of my comparison and here is why. In the past 2 years my parents health has deteriorated with ups and downs along the way, dad is getting better and is stronger after his stroke and heart op but is a little forgetful at times. Mum was diagnosed with Cancer in late 2012, she had an op to remove the tumour in early 2013 which was successful and we were basically waiting for the all clear. 1 week after I left the UK for Australia (I have only been here a month) I was informed a scan showed mums cancer may have returned, mum couldn't tell me herself because it was too upsetting for her because she thought she may ruin my dream of being here. I Skyped her that night and had a good chat to her and although there were some tears the call finished on a positive note, this past week she has been extremely positive and should have had her biopsy results yesterday UK time, the results weren't back so she has to wait until Wednesday. Obviously we are all holding out for the right result.

 

As you can imagine I have had some ups and downs this past few weeks, guilt, what if's, am I being selfish, would I return to the UK. I've rationalised these feelings by telling myself and chatting with mum that there is nothing I can do regardless of where I am in the world, yes I would be there and be physically with my mum but I know it wouldn't do her recovery or mindset during any treatment any good to know that I had given up what I have always wanted to do to return to the UK. Skype has been a godsend and this week I must have spoken to her 4 times and everytime we have finished on a positive note without tears. Thanks to Skype I even managed to make an appearance at my eldest Nieces 21st birthday party on Saturday night ! It just proves you are never far away from your family in todays modern world.

I have realised this - some people and families crave the physical touch, some just crave knowing that you haven't forgotten them or where you come from!

 

I have been fascinated by Australia since i was a child, the land far away were the sun shines every day. I fell in love with the place after backpacking here in 2001, it took me another 12 years before i was able to have the right experience and qualifications to move here.

I don't know if I will stay in Australia for good, but I do know I will be able to put my desire to live here 'to bed' once and for all, something that, if I hadn't tried it, I would never have been able to do.

I don't usually live a life by motto's but I do believe that it is better to have tried and failed (for whatever reason) than never to have tried at all. It's your life and only you can make the decision.

 

I imagine there will be more emotional ups and downs over the next year or so but such is life, it has to be dealt with one way or another.

 

I suppose what i am trying to say is that what you feel is totally normal, bear in mind though that life will continue in the UK when you are gone and family will get old and frail like we all are, you're not selfish, you have a dream you want to realise, where would man be if he didn't have a dream, half of what we know as humans would never have been realised.

 

Sorry for the ramble but I think this has been slightly therapeutic for me to put everything down in words.

 

I hope you make the choice that is right for you.

 

Good Luck

[Guest guest9824]

JOJO

I can only agree with what SJT, Portlaunay and Elfie have all said.

I'm taking it that you have been to Australia already and have fallen in love with the place?

 

What I would ask though is what do you mean by changing your life for the better?

I have always said I wanted to come to Australia for a different life, a better life to me would be one without having to work, without taxes, without having to do daily / weekly chores and still being able to have my family around me, unfortunately most of those aren't going to happen so it was a different lifestyle that I sought. One were I don't have to worry as much about whether I will be living in a Chinese laundry for 3 or 4 months because I can't hang washing out (still got them pesky chores), one where I know I might not have to struggle to get to work the next day due to 2 foot of snow, one where I know I can plan for weekends away and almost be certain I will have the whether to enjoy the weekend away.

I loved the countryside in the UK but a day out or weekend in Wales or the Lake District really wasn't on the cards from October through to April without getting soaked, blown everywhere and freezing cold, yes I could have bought all the gear but it was the hassle on the day !

 

Regarding feelings of guilt due to leaving my family, my sisters have their lives, I lived 6 miles from them in the UK and may not see them for 6 - 8 weeks at a time but we would talk on the phone and I can do that from here. We are a close family, please don't think we aren't, but people grow into their own lives. My mates had their own lives and all had families and obviously time with friends became rarer and rarer.

 

I left my parents to the last of my comparison and here is why. In the past 2 years my parents health has deteriorated with ups and downs along the way, dad is getting better and is stronger after his stroke and heart op but is a little forgetful at times. Mum was diagnosed with Cancer in late 2012, she had an op to remove the tumour in early 2013 which was successful and we were basically waiting for the all clear. 1 week after I left the UK for Australia (I have only been here a month) I was informed a scan showed mums cancer may have returned, mum couldn't tell me herself because it was too upsetting for her because she thought she may ruin my dream of being here. I Skyped her that night and had a good chat to her and although there were some tears the call finished on a positive note, this past week she has been extremely positive and should have had her biopsy results yesterday UK time, the results weren't back so she has to wait until Wednesday. Obviously we are all holding out for the right result.

 

As you can imagine I have had some ups and downs this past few weeks, guilt, what if's, am I being selfish, would I return to the UK. I've rationalised these feelings by telling myself and chatting with mum that there is nothing I can do regardless of where I am in the world, yes I would be there and be physically with my mum but I know it wouldn't do her recovery or mindset during any treatment any good to know that I had given up what I have always wanted to do to return to the UK. Skype has been a godsend and this week I must have spoken to her 4 times and everytime we have finished on a positive note without tears. Thanks to Skype I even managed to make an appearance at my eldest Nieces 21st birthday party on Saturday night ! It just proves you are never far away from your family in todays modern world.

I have realised this - some people and families crave the physical touch, some just crave knowing that you haven't forgotten them or where you come from!

 

I have been fascinated by Australia since i was a child, the land far away were the sun shines every day. I fell in love with the place after backpacking here in 2001, it took me another 12 years before i was able to have the right experience and qualifications to move here.

I don't know if I will stay in Australia for good, but I do know I will be able to put my desire to live here 'to bed' once and for all, something that, if I hadn't tried it, I would never have been able to do.

I don't usually live a life by motto's but I do believe that it is better to have tried and failed (for whatever reason) than never to have tried at all. It's your life and only you can make the decision.

 

I imagine there will be more emotional ups and downs over the next year or so but such is life, it has to be dealt with one way or another.

 

I suppose what i am trying to say is that what you feel is totally normal, bear in mind though that life will continue in the UK when you are gone and family will get old and frail like we all are, you're not selfish, you have a dream you want to realise, where would man be if he didn't have a dream, half of what we know as humans would never have been realised.

 

Sorry for the ramble but I think this has been slightly therapeutic for me to put everything down in words.

 

I hope you make the choice that is right for you.

 

Good Luck

 

Tayloal, what a deep, heartfelt, very touching post, honest and very thought provoking, you have left nothing out of this post for me, in order to help those that read it, so thank you for the insight into your personal journey. Sending lots of positive vibes for mums test results and positive thoughts to you too.

 

peax

[Rossmoyne]

Jojo, what you are experiencing is a normal reaction and what the majority of us have been or are going through. The replies above are all good so I won't repeat anything, but just to say you are following a dream/new adventure, and if you ultimately find it isn't for you after you have been here for a while, there is no shame in going back to UK. That apart, you don't actually "get over" the feelings you have, you just learn strategies to deal with them, as we do for anything else that comes along and ruffles the pond that is our individual lives.

[jojo1310]

Wow. What can I say. Last night wasn't a good night but I have woken up to some truly lovely messages. Thank you all so much SJT, Portlaunay, Tayloal, Pea and Rossmoyne! It's definitely going to be a tough journey; I keep on trying to remind myself that it's exciting and it's an adventure, that we are brave to do something like this and that there are so many others that are going through what we are and many who have made the leap and are living their lives in Australia!

 

Elfie, you're right 'Life is certainly "what you make of it", as you say and I know we have to take this opportunity with both hands and do what we gotta do! And Portlaunay, you're right, we've got nothing to lose. It really is just a case of being brave and dealing with my emotions in the best possible way.

As Pea so rightfully said, thank you so much for your honesty Tayloal. This forum really is a wonderful place to meet people who are so lovely and willing to share their stories. I really hope that your mum is on the road to recovery and you hear good news soon. One thing that is a saving grace is how amazing technology is these days; skype and facetime I am sure will be a godsend and in times of need or when you want to feel 'close' to your family, I am sure that they are invaluable to keeping in touch. To answer your question Taloal, my now fiance and I, went to Australia in 2010/2011 on a working holiday visa. We both had the best time of our lives; obviously there were ups and downs and we both came home because we missed family and friends so much. Now, looking back on our experience, although we had a wonderful time travelling up the west coast, going to the beach every weekend, seeing family and having bbqs and evening walks in the park, we kind of regret caving in and coming home when we did.

 

I suppose we both feel as though we have 'unfinished business' in Australia; we both want to live that lifestyle again. We want to spend more time together and enjoy the aussie way of life; we don't have it too bad here don't get me wrong! But when you know what you can have in Australia, it's tough to think positively about life in the UK with the wet and windy days we keep on constantly having here!

 

Sorry for moaning and rambling on; thanks everyone for your kind words and great advice!

[odies]

Tayloal, I to join in via skype at parties, special days not just in oz but here in the uk to , so I can really understand your thoughts on people wanting to know they are not forgotten because as you say you can live in the same town and never see people.

My heart goes out to you and your mum xx

and JoJo go for it...life is for living old age comes to quick and aeroplanes make the journey so much easier than the old days in the 60's for poms to visit.When they see your photos they will all want to visit and you will want to visit back in the uk , you may miss this cold and rain. x

[Nikkis2000]

JOJO

I can only agree with what SJT, Portlaunay and Elfie have all said.

I'm taking it that you have been to Australia already and have fallen in love with the place?

 

What I would ask though is what do you mean by changing your life for the better?

I have always said I wanted to come to Australia for a different life, a better life to me would be one without having to work, without taxes, without having to do daily / weekly chores and still being able to have my family around me, unfortunately most of those aren't going to happen so it was a different lifestyle that I sought. One were I don't have to worry as much about whether I will be living in a Chinese laundry for 3 or 4 months because I can't hang washing out (still got them pesky chores), one where I know I might not have to struggle to get to work the next day due to 2 foot of snow, one where I know I can plan for weekends away and almost be certain I will have the whether to enjoy the weekend away.

I loved the countryside in the UK but a day out or weekend in Wales or the Lake District really wasn't on the cards from October through to April without getting soaked, blown everywhere and freezing cold, yes I could have bought all the gear but it was the hassle on the day !

 

Regarding feelings of guilt due to leaving my family, my sisters have their lives, I lived 6 miles from them in the UK and may not see them for 6 - 8 weeks at a time but we would talk on the phone and I can do that from here. We are a close family, please don't think we aren't, but people grow into their own lives. My mates had their own lives and all had families and obviously time with friends became rarer and rarer.

 

I left my parents to the last of my comparison and here is why. In the past 2 years my parents health has deteriorated with ups and downs along the way, dad is getting better and is stronger after his stroke and heart op but is a little forgetful at times. Mum was diagnosed with Cancer in late 2012, she had an op to remove the tumour in early 2013 which was successful and we were basically waiting for the all clear. 1 week after I left the UK for Australia (I have only been here a month) I was informed a scan showed mums cancer may have returned, mum couldn't tell me herself because it was too upsetting for her because she thought she may ruin my dream of being here. I Skyped her that night and had a good chat to her and although there were some tears the call finished on a positive note, this past week she has been extremely positive and should have had her biopsy results yesterday UK time, the results weren't back so she has to wait until Wednesday. Obviously we are all holding out for the right result.

 

As you can imagine I have had some ups and downs this past few weeks, guilt, what if's, am I being selfish, would I return to the UK. I've rationalised these feelings by telling myself and chatting with mum that there is nothing I can do regardless of where I am in the world, yes I would be there and be physically with my mum but I know it wouldn't do her recovery or mindset during any treatment any good to know that I had given up what I have always wanted to do to return to the UK. Skype has been a godsend and this week I must have spoken to her 4 times and everytime we have finished on a positive note without tears. Thanks to Skype I even managed to make an appearance at my eldest Nieces 21st birthday party on Saturday night ! It just proves you are never far away from your family in todays modern world.

I have realised this - some people and families crave the physical touch, some just crave knowing that you haven't forgotten them or where you come from!

 

I have been fascinated by Australia since i was a child, the land far away were the sun shines every day. I fell in love with the place after backpacking here in 2001, it took me another 12 years before i was able to have the right experience and qualifications to move here.

I don't know if I will stay in Australia for good, but I do know I will be able to put my desire to live here 'to bed' once and for all, something that, if I hadn't tried it, I would never have been able to do.

I don't usually live a life by motto's but I do believe that it is better to have tried and failed (for whatever reason) than never to have tried at all. It's your life and only you can make the decision.

 

I imagine there will be more emotional ups and downs over the next year or so but such is life, it has to be dealt with one way or another.

 

I suppose what i am trying to say is that what you feel is totally normal, bear in mind though that life will continue in the UK when you are gone and family will get old and frail like we all are, you're not selfish, you have a dream you want to realise, where would man be if he didn't have a dream, half of what we know as humans would never have been realised.

 

Sorry for the ramble but I think this has been slightly therapeutic for me to put everything down in words.

 

I hope you make the choice that is right for you.

 

Good Luck

 

Tayloal - thank you for sharing your issues and thoughts.

 

What an amazingly well written, and honest account of the ups and downs of this process. I truly hope your Mum is ok and you get everything sorted.

 

But thank you also for sharing the side that I'm sure we all go through, which is the doubt and guilt we feel when something goes wrong back home. It's natural to feel bad, but at the same time you can't run home every time something happens and that is what we all have to learn to deal with however hard it is.

 

N

[jojo1310]

Thanks Odies! x

[aligard]

Agree with all the above. We all go through the same feelings on this journey.....the way I deal with it, is to look at the positive exciting stuff....try not to get to deep in thought on the really heavy stuff....one step at a time. Plus reading great supportive messages on here always helps too Your not alone xxx

[beandownunder]

jojo,

hope you're feeling a bit better now -isn't this forum just the bees knees for support and understanding :-)

you only need search the threads for "wobbles" and you see how everyone goes though these emotions but it is so good when people share incredibly personal stories which inspire many others.

tayloal -sending positive vibes for your mum, thank you for your amazing post,

J xxx

[jojo1310]

Agree with all the above. We all go through the same feelings on this journey.....the way I deal with it, is to look at the positive exciting stuff....try not to get to deep in thought on the really heavy stuff....one step at a time. Plus reading great supportive messages on here always helps too Your not alone xxx

 

Thank u aligard! I'm trying to think of the positives and trying not to get too stuck on the heavy stuff. Today was not a good day, and being at work didn't help either. Everyone is extremely helpful on PP... It's becoming my go to for everything and I'm sure it'll be even more invaluable when we start the process! X

[jojo1310]

jojo,

hope you're feeling a bit better now -isn't this forum just the bees knees for support and understanding :-)

you only need search the threads for "wobbles" and you see how everyone goes though these emotions but it is so good when people share incredibly personal stories which inspire many others.

tayloal -sending positive vibes for your mum, thank you for your amazing post,

J xxx

 

thank you Bean... Ill most definitely check out the wobble threads! Sounds like I've definitely suffered from the wobbles the last few days! sometimes you can feel so alone but it's great to have somewhere where people share their experiences and are so helpful and nice x

[verystormy]

Be prepared for the wobbles when you arrive.

 

I was fine in the pre move and for the forst year. Then i started to feel very unsettled. This resulted in me wanting to go back to the UK pretty desperatly - some of the guys on here will remember my posts.

 

But it has gone - only took another 4 years! But, i am glad now i didnt go back.

 

Since then my wife has started voluntree work with new migrants who cant speak english and part of her training was in the emotions people feel when they move and it was interesting to discover that what i went through was actually not unusual. Though mine lasted longer than most.

 

So, the point is, be prepared for not just wobbles now, but once you move. But they will go!

[aligard]

Be prepared for the wobbles when you arrive.

 

I was fine in the pre move and for the forst year. Then i started to feel very unsettled. This resulted in me wanting to go back to the UK pretty desperatly - some of the guys on here will remember my posts.

 

But it has gone - only took another 4 years! But, i am glad now i didnt go back.

 

 

 

Since then my wife has started voluntree work with new migrants who cant speak english and part of her training was in the emotions people feel when they move and it was interesting to discover that what i went through was actually not unusual. Though mine lasted longer than most.

 

So, the point is, be prepared for not just wobbles now, but once you move. But they will go!

 

Totally agree verystormy and so glad to hear your now through all of that. It's another tough hurdle nearly all of us will face. Homesickness and riding the rough patches aren't easy....but stick with it, embrace the challenge and the cold turkey will be a distant memory.

[kirsty81]

I feel your pain. I have been granted a visa and love Australia, desperate to move! When i've approached the subject with my parents, they ignore it. SO this weekend I have to tell them my visa has been granted and I want to move away asap. In addition, my partner is getting cold feet. But you and your partner know what you want and as its stated so many times you don't know unless you try. Chin up and think of the amazing adventure and life you both have ahead! Good luck. x

[jojo1310]

Be prepared for the wobbles when you arrive.

 

I was fine in the pre move and for the forst year. Then i started to feel very unsettled. This resulted in me wanting to go back to the UK pretty desperatly - some of the guys on here will remember my posts.

 

But it has gone - only took another 4 years! But, i am glad now i didnt go back.

 

Since then my wife has started voluntree work with new migrants who cant speak english and part of her training was in the emotions people feel when they move and it was interesting to discover that what i went through was actually not unusual. Though mine lasted longer than most.

 

So, the point is, be prepared for not just wobbles now, but once you move. But they will go!

 

Hi Very Stormy,

 

I can imagine that wobbles on arrival and once you're there being very common. When I went for 7 months, my fiance and I both got the wobbles because we missed home and friends so much that we returned (a little too prematurely now I come to think about it!) It must be so easy to give up but I think when you know there's a lot at stake, you just have to persevere.

 

I'm looking out at this grey day and really feeling a bit more positive today. But also thanks to all you lovely people. One niggling worry is approaching the visa subject with my parents. I'm so scared of telling them and keep on putting it off. My fiance has to tell his dad soon, as he works for him and I'm feeling nervous about that two as I'm not sure either sets of parents will be happy about our decision. wobble xxx

[jojo1310]

I feel your pain. I have been granted a visa and love Australia, desperate to move! When I've approached the subject with my parents, they ignore it. SO this weekend I have to tell them my visa has been granted and I want to move away asap. In addition, my partner is getting cold feet. But you and your partner know what you want and as its stated so many times you don't know unless you try. Chin up and think of the amazing adventure and life you both have ahead! Good luck. x

 

Hi Kirsty, So strange you post mentioning telling your parents as I just mentioned that in my reply to VeryStormy. It's an extremely daunting prospect; I mentioned it in a conversation a few weekends ago and my mum seemed fine, but I think she was tryign not to let her emoptions show. Then the next day, my dad called me saying that mum was so upset and we spoke ton the phone for an hour mulling it all over. It was the worst weekend as I felt so down and depressed; I cried solidly for the whole of Sunday. As I'm recently engaged we keep on talking about a potential wedding in Perth which would be a dream come true to get married o the beach, but then I know that my nanny wouldn't be able to come....SO many thoughts buzzing round my head.

 

I feel like a disappointment, I feel I will be abandoning my parents and I know it will devastate them. I feel terribly guilty, but I can't not see this dream through. I fear, if I don't go, I will regret it for the rest of my life and resent those that I felt so guilty about leaving.

 

Is it just you and your partner going Kirsty? When you say your parents ignore the situation, are they sad/angry or just indifferent? Keep your chin up too, your visa has been granted and the hard leg work is nearly over!!! xx

[Guest guest9824]

Hi Kirsty, So strange you post mentioning telling your parents as I just mentioned that in my reply to VeryStormy. It's an extremely daunting prospect; I mentioned it in a conversation a few weekends ago and my mum seemed fine, but I think she was tryign not to let her emoptions show. Then the next day, my dad called me saying that mum was so upset and we spoke ton the phone for an hour mulling it all over. It was the worst weekend as I felt so down and depressed; I cried solidly for the whole of Sunday. As I'm recently engaged we keep on talking about a potential wedding in Perth which would be a dream come true to get married o the beach, but then I know that my nanny wouldn't be able to come....SO many thoughts buzzing round my head.

 

I feel like a disappointment, I feel I will be abandoning my parents and I know it will devastate them. I feel terribly guilty, but I can't not see this dream through. I fear, if I don't go, I will regret it for the rest of my life and resent those that I felt so guilty about leaving.

 

Is it just you and your partner going Kirsty? When you say your parents ignore the situation, are they sad/angry or just indifferent? Keep your chin up too, your visa has been granted and the hard leg work is nearly over!!! xx

 

I am sure Jojo your parents would never see this move as you being a disappointment, no matter what they say, this is something positive not negative, disappointing would be a child who doesn't live their life for themselves or follows their dreams...none of us see it as disappointing on pp, more a chance at a new life and different challenges to be embraced and learnt from, no more using the word 'disappointing'....ok? Not to be used in future vocab...no more 'd' word!....Lots of luck

 

peax

[kirsty81]

Thanks for your positive words Peanuts. I think my parents just put it at the back of their minds and hope i would forget about it. I do feel as though I am disappointing them as the life they have is not what I want. I do worry about them getting older and the idea that saying goodbye to my Gran maybe the last. However, I think they have made the decisions how they lead your life and you have got to follow your dreams! With regards to my partner he is just going around in circles. I think the idea of leaving family is getting to him.

 

On a more positive note, my friend got married in Mission Beach at Great Barrier Reef. I will never forgot it. It was so beautiful and chilled. I have never experienced anything like it in my life, wlaing down a aisle of shells barefoot.

 

Stay strong

x

[jojo1310]

I am sure Jojo your parents would never see this move as you being a disappointment, no matter what they say, this is something positive not negative, disappointing would be a child who doesn't live their life for themselves or follows their dreams...none of us see it as disappointing on pp, more a chance at a new life and different challenges to be embraced and learnt from, no more using the word 'disappointing'....ok? Not to be used in future vocab...no more 'd' word!....Lots of luck

 

peax

 

Oh Peanuts, thank you. I nearly cried when I read this! I went to my mum and dads last night and we had a lovely night, but nothing was mentioned about Australia. I am worried that they think if it's not mentioned then it wont happen?

 

I promise I wont use the 'd' word any more. xx

[Guest guest9824]

Oh Peanuts, thank you. I nearly cried when I read this! I went to my mum and dads last night and we had a lovely night, but nothing was mentioned about Australia. I am worried that they think if it's not mentioned then it wont happen?

 

I promise I wont use the 'd' word any more. xx

 

No worries lovely, I think maybe they know what's what, but maybe are trying to deal with it in their own way. I am the reverse to your situation, my story is, I was supposed to emigrate with my mum and dad over 26 years ago when I was a twinkle in my dads eye:wink:, but decided to stay in the UK and make a life with my then boyfriend (who has been my partner for 26 years)...I broke their hearts not coming with them and staying in the UK, but we did promise to come and visit whenever we could, and we did that and had some amazing holidays here, and eventually we got to come and live here, my dad got his wish to see us living in Australia after 20 or so years of waiting, he didn't get to see us become citizens, but I know he would be very happy and proud that we have now achieved that. Big hugs and lots of luck.

 

Peax

[odies]

Oh Pea my eyes are wet xx

and Jo Jo I did not talk about Oz when my son and daughter in law came, it worked for me trying not to get upset, we deal with it differently so when visiting try to hide your excitment , we parents come around in the end and then want to come and live by you . LOL